The Main Course
by adamheap
Summary: This story comes a few years after the end of the Yeerk war, when Andalite tourism on Earth is on the rise, Detective Nicalor-Garroon-Charod and his bumbling sidekick Ayattil are sent to the big blue planet to investigate Andalite crimes, when a criminal mastermind begins to cause havoc in the city of New York
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

((And so my journey begins. I have ridden myself of the old calendar, and will now have to adjust to the strange and nonsensical dating methods utilised by the Earth populations. Today is the 27th of August, in the year 2006, according to my sources. In approximately 3 Earth hours, it will be the 28th. Then in a few days, it will be the 1st of a month called September. It may take me a while to adjust to this unusual and frustrating calendar, but that won't be the biggest concern I will face. This will be my first visit to the planet Earth, and there will be a lot more to learn than simply the time. I have gone through plenty of lectures on this strange blue planet, and though there are a few cultural similarities, the dominant race – Humans – are different to us in too many ways to count. I have heard stories from friends who have travelled to Earth before, and they talk of great metal structures that touch the clouds, huge swarms of humans invading streets made of dull grey concrete, a media that twists and turns to misguide its gullible followers, corruption on a vast political landscape... From what I have heard, Humans are a very unusual species, and one that is greatly and worrying varied. Violent, corrupt, hateful, and yet they are also the opposite of those things, all at once. They create masterpieces of art and music, great cultural revolutions, and yet at the same time they would create art or music of the most deprived, most uncouth and uninspired kinds; start brutal, unnecessary wars; murder and deceive for some of life's most trivial pursuits. I hope that the Humans I will meet will be of the more well-intentioned and respectful kind, but I understand that this may not be the case. We Andalites have developed a reputation among these creatures, and not an entirely positive one. Human perception of us is largely shaped by the Yeerk war that ended just years ago, one that we played a major and not always a helpful part in. I should avoid talking about the war with the humans, if I am to avoid confrontation. I am not here to confront these baffling creatures. I am here to protect them. I am-))

((Nicalor. Sir!))

I sighed inwardly, my main eyes closing in anger at the unwarranted disruption from behind me. ((Ayattil, what have I told you about interrupting my diary entries?! Only in emergencies!))

((But, sir,)) The lowly assistant squirmed. ((This _is_ an emergency!))

I turned to fully face him, crossing my arms loosely over my chest. Ayattil was quite short and stocky in build, his meek body constantly shuddering like it were in eternal distress. His eyes were bland and dopey, void of much more than a few mindless thought processes. This rather pathetic example of the species was none other than my own personal assistant.

((And what, may I ask, is this emergency?)) I demanded of him.

((We forgot to pack the camera, sir.))

I shook my head and flicked my tail in annoyance, unfurling my arms. ((Must you interrupt me for the sake of a missing camera? They will have cameras on Earth, Ayattil!))

Ayattil adjusted his weight from his left to his right hooves, scratching lightly behind his ear. ((Are you sure, sir?))

((I am sure, Ayattil, and if you are to remain as my assistant, I highly advise you not to interrupt me any further with such trivial issues. Only disturb me if there is a _real_ emergency.))

((Like what, sir?))

((I don't know, Ayattil,)) I huffed. ((There aren't many situations dire enough to warrant your tedious presence. Haven't you finished sorting through the food and water supplies, yet?))

((Not yet, sir.)) He reported blankly.

((Well why don't you make yourself useful and attend to such matters?)) I grunted, turning all four eyes away from him and back to the hologramatical journal before me. My ears picked up on Ayattil's hurried departure, but by now I had lost my previous trail of thought and decided to forget the rest of the journal entry.

((End journal entry. Mark Earth date 27th August, 2006. Entry number 1.)) The computer bleeped as the information was stored within its complicated software, small lights blinking in response to my thought-spoken orders. ((Close file "Earth Journal: Nicalor-Garroon-Charod". Now, show travel information for the home world to Earth voyage.))

With a buzz, the hologram of my journal vanished, instantly replaced by a large 3D collection of graphs, numbers and maps. A small cylindrical bar flashed at the top of this puzzling collection of military-standard data, displaying the amount of the long voyage we had completed. We were almost at our destination, and another section of information indicated to me that it would take only another three days before we landed.

The ship would land on the outskirts of a city called New York. According to my Earth sources, this was one of the larger Human settlements present in the nation named The United States of America. There would be lots of Humans there, something which unnerved me to no end. We were to land the ship in the early evening at a territorial Andalite base that had been built the previous year, and leave with all of our equipment before the vessel was taken into repairs. After landing, we would be escorted into the city, where we would spend the next few years camped up in some horrible Human building known as a hotel, which had been manipulated to impersonate an Andalite dwelling.

That is what they told us. I wasn't quite sure how well the Human hotel staff knew Andalite dwellings, though, and my head told me that the room would be less than satisfactory.

All ten of us aboard this small transport vessel were to be taken to a hotel on the south side of the city. Two of us were scientists to be placed in Human laboratories. Their job on Earth was to work on Andalite taste development, something which our Government was desperate to invest in after our people began visiting Earth on a regular basis.

I wasn't a scientist, so that didn't include me. I was to perform a completely separate mission. I was a detective, and I had been sent to Earth with my assistant, the less-than-competent Ayattil-Redthun-Askill, to investigate crimes committed against the Humans by my own people. That was something else that our Government had great interest in. Our alliance with the Humans came with some great benefits that they would dearly miss, were our ties to end.

The rest of our group were heading to Earth to do odd-jobs here and there, mostly working with and around Human governments to deal with issues regarding Andalite tourism.

We were heading to a hotel that we would all be sharing for the next two years. It was a trip that I had long been looking forward to, and one that I also dreaded for several reasons. I didn't really know enough about the Humans to be able to openly converse with them. I had worries of confrontation and persecution, without the adequate permissions that would allow me to defend myself. I had worries of further damaging our peoples reputation in a population of creatures whose ideals are so easily swayed and generalised.

I had to push aside the fears I had about this job placement. As well as the usual detective work I would be undertaking, this trip would give me plenty of opportunity to explore a world that wasn't my own. The Earth was a large and diverse planet, and I would be spoilt for choice when it came to Human art and culture. I could take trips to local galleries to sample the primitive Human artwork. I could go to the museums and tell the staff there how they were wrong about their histories.

I could go to a restaurant. That was what I was looking forward to most of all. However, such would require that I take up a Human morph. They had the amazing power to taste their food, something which our own evolution had fatally left behind.

The ability to taste is what had intrigued our people so much to the comparatively primitive Human race. It is not the culture that brings Andalite in droves to Earth, nor is it the art or the music or the scenery. It is the food.

It was something that I had never experienced. That issue, however, would be resolved very soon.

((Computer,)) I spoke to the microphone that picked up my thought-speech from the other side of the room. ((Bring up the file "Human Information".))

The hologramatic monitor flickered and beeped, bringing up a small file and opening it up wide. The 3D images that were birthed filled the far side of the room in a lush white-blue glow. They were great images of Earth people and places. A Human named King Henry VIII, a view of a man-made structure called Mount Rushmore, a bustling street from the city known as Tokyo.

((Computer, access sub-folder.)) I instructed the machine. ((Sub-folder title: Human Food.))

Again the computer buzzed into life and emptied a folder, its contents expanding and filling the room as three-dimensional holograms.

Buns. Bagels. Beefburgers. So many kinds. So many flavours that would soon be revealing themselves to me through a middle-man Human tongue. They decorated the room and slowly rolled over the walls, each looking ever more appealing than the last.

So many stories had touched my ears, detailing every little aspect of every little delicacy. Not only do Human foods have single defining tastes, but the Humans had cunningly combined foods into masterpieces of multiple flavours, numerous layers of sense temptation that would often drive our people to the very edges of sobriety.

The computer rotated the foods around the room in a slow, hypnotic dance, and something breezed in front of me just below my eye line. A small cardboard container with a large yellow 'M' on the front. Within that container and popping out of the top like the hair on the head of an unkempt juvenile sat a collection of slender yellow cuboids. Fries, apparently French.

I tried to imagine the smell, the taste and the texture, but for now those were still out of reach.

My body shuddered in an uncontrollable urge, but I pressed the bladed tip of my tail to my arm to calm it down. I had strict orders on this trip to the planet Earth, orders that required me not to get distracted indulging in Human activities, like eating with a tasting mouth. My job, and hence my quality of life, depended on performing my duty in a dignified and responsible manner. Perhaps I would indulge in such delights once or twice a day, but I could not let it get the better of me. Part of the reason Ayattil was coming along was to ensure that I get my job done professionally - He may have been a comparative simpleton, a bumbling fool, but he was loyal to his duty, and was told to alert me if I ever got lost in the high-induced sea that Human taste brings.

I shouldn't have been getting so distracted. ((Computer, close sub-folder. Close folder.))

The machine obeyed, closing both of the huge 3D mosaics and returning to its visually quiet, unused state. The whirring sounds ceased, and the room was once again empty, void of the wonderful hologramatical images. I stared up at the familiar grey ship walls, without décor or a window that gazed out to the stars. Control panels lined the sides of the room, flickering and bleeping in a mechanic drone.

How I longed to finally be rid of the monotonous room and this cramped, stuffy ship. I wished to roam a field of grass and sit out under the single Earth sun, but our trip would take us straight from this ship to a huge Human city. There weren't many fields from what I had been told. Streets were their fields, buildings their trees. For most of the two years I would be hopelessly lost in the strange Human habitat. I was grateful for the fact that I wouldn't be alone, however.

My need for the computer was over, and now I was free to wander the small ship as I pleased. I left the room and swaggered nonchalantly down the narrow illuminated hallways, destined for the sleeping quarters that sat at the back of the transport vessel. The corridor lead into another, slightly wider one, with ten doors separated into five on either side. My own quarters lay behind the third on the right, but I instead made my way to the fifth on the left.

After I had taken a brief moment to correct my posture and groom the fur on my chest, my hand raised and gently knocked on the door. There was some rustling from within, before the narrow door finally opened to reveal a familiar feminine face.

It was the face of one of the ship's scientists. Her name was Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal, a graduate of one of the most prestigious education centres on our home world, who specialised in extra-terrestrial life. Over the years, she had travelled to many distance solar systems to perform research on sentient beings that were deemed less intelligent than our own. Her work on Earth was to be a little different than what she was used to, and would consist of working alongside other Andalite scientists to uncover the secrets of taste.

My nose caught her delicate and delightful aroma, and my eyes trailed down over her perfectly groomed purple fur. She was an image just as tempting and wonderful as the Human foods that I had observed from the ship computers, if not more so. She was a work of art.

I had been chasing her for this entire trip, and it wasn't like she hadn't noticed. Ardina was a very clever and insightful person. She smiled with her eyes. ((Nicalor. Hello again.))

I steadied myself on my hooves. Ardina had always told me to stop with the ridiculous need to make myself seem so formal whenever we met, but it came so instinctively that I couldn't help myself. My legs lifted me up tall, and my arms fell confidently to my side. ((It's lovely to see you again, Ardina.))

She shook her head from side to side and chuckled gleefully. ((We see each other every day.)) Then, she backed into her room, allowing me to pass. ((Please, come in.))

I strolled in as casually as I could and politely commented on the living quarters that she inhabited. She put up with my obvious attempts at flattery and shushed me soon enough, guiding me around the small room that closely resembled the grassy open land of our planet.

((Only three days until we arrive.)) I said after having leant myself against a fake tree that closely imitated one from our home world. ((I'm really beginning to look forward to it now.))

((As am I.)) She responded, standing a few feet before me, her perfectly slender and well-groomed body illuminated by the ceiling lights. ((I thought I would spend the first few days adjusting to the Earth climate and atmosphere. I should get myself properly introduced to my room and the Human staff.))

((It should be easier to do if you are around people you trusted.)) I suggested with such an obvious implication.

((Of course. I'm sure Ayattil will make great company.))

I flustered, twisting all four eyes to her. ((But… I… You…))

She smiled again and moved her body in such a subtle yet incredibly suggestive manner. ((That was a form of Human humour, I believe. That is something else we must get used to.))

((Yes, of course…)) I choked with a hint of embarrassment. I stiffened up, and continued, ((I was planning to explore a place called Central Park. I understand the Humans in New York are very proud of it. Perhaps you could visit with me shortly after we have landed and unpacked?))

Her face shone, sending my hind legs into a noticeable quiver. I tried my best to hide them behind the fake tree.

((I would love to visit this _Central Park_ place with you,)) She said. ((But I would like to make a few more visits before then.))

((Ah. Well, maybe we could go to a Human museum, or an art gallery. We could-))

She raised her hand to hush me, putting an end to my rambling. ((Not _that_ kind of visit.))

Her delicate right hand swirled towards me and gently rubbed at my chest, her fingers teasingly caressing their way up to and around my neck. My front perked up under the attention, but my hind legs shook even more violently. My middle was somewhere suspiciously and dangerously in between.

((Oh.)) I stammered. ((Wonderful.))


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

((The Earth date is 30th August, 2006, and we have finally reached our destination. Our vessel has just landed at the New York Andalite space port, and the crew are busy packing up to leave. I have not yet ventured outside, but I have been told that the weather is pleasant. However, there is still a deep fear that all Andalite reports have been incorrect, and that the Earth atmosphere is toxic to our species, or that the gravity will leave me plastered to the ground or floating aimlessly through the air. No turning back now, though. May the stars grant me the luck I need to reach the Human hotel in one piece. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 30th August. Entry number 2.))

The hologramatic monitor bleeped and faded, leaving the grey room once again empty. I picked up the small computer device and stored it carefully in the open box on the floor. I took the container lid and secured it tightly on the rim. Everything was now packed, and I was ready to make my first steps onto the foreign planet.

Ayattil approached my side, hooves clomping heavily on the room's horribly cold metal floor. ((Are you packed, sir?))

I turned one stalk eye to him, my other eyes scanning the room for the last time. ((Yes. This is the last box.)) I kicked at it lightly with a hoof, and then took in a deep, steadying breath. ((Let's go, Ayattil.))

My assistant rolled in a small cargo transporter and I helped him lift the box onto its sturdy frame. ((Be careful with this box, Ayattil.)) I warned him, recalling previous incidents he had been involved in. ((This box contains all my files and computers. They are irreplaceable.))

I looked down at his blank face with my main eyes, and at the way he took the transporter loosely in his clumsy hands.

((You can trust me with your box full of valuable and irreplaceable things, sir!)) He chimed with his usual ill-deserved conviction.

I changed my mind, and pushed him away from the handles. ((_I_ shall take this, Ayattil. You go on ahead and test the Earth atmosphere for me. If you start writhing in agony, I will know to return to my quarters.))

He saluted obediently. ((Yes, sir! Right away, sir!))

So I followed my loyal assistant down the narrow corridors towards the entry port, careful not to bump the heavy box against any outstanding objects or any passing crew members. Ayattil cleared the path to the exit, and soon I was feeling cool breezes brush over my short blue hair. Neither I nor Ayattil began to buckle and squirm around on the floor, which was a soothing relief to just one of my fears for this trip.

We came to the boarding ramp, and below us stood the great metal plates that belonged to the terrestrial landing zone. Beams that burst from the small Earth sun reflected mercilessly up from the platform and caused me to reel and cover my eyes with my hand. I stopped moving forward, and rested the transporter against the edge of the slowly descending ramp.

((It's very bright, sir!)) Ayattil announced, similarly struggling under the reflection.

((Yes, I do think I can see that, Ayattil.)) I snorted back to him. ((Go out in front and help me lower the transporter.))

Ayattil nodded and waddled down onto the metal ramp in front of me, standing before the small transporter and readying himself to make sure it didn't fall.

Suddenly, there was a delicate tap on my shoulder. All four of my eyes turned to the source of the disturbance, and they fell upon the beautiful face of Ardina. She stood by my side with her enduring smile.

((Hello again, Nicalor.)) She cooed.

There was a loud squeak from the ramp, followed by panicked hoofsteps and an abrupt smash. Returning my attention to the transporter, it became clear that my hands had let go of the handles in the shock of Ardina's appearance. It rolled down the ramp, swerved and tumbled over the edge onto the hard platform below. Ayattil was stood halfway down, scratching his head.

((Ayattil!)) I boomed accusingly. ((I told you to hold onto the transporter, you buffoon!))

((But, sir!)) He whined. ((You let go of-))

((Shut up and make sure nothing is broken.)) I hissed down at him, stomping forward loudly on the ramp and gazing down at the scattered remains on the ground below. Ayattil rushed off in a skittish panic to recover the equipment, leaving me to seethe in anger at myself for being so easily distracted.

My emotions took a dizzying swing as Ardina swooped over to me, giggling lightly. Her light hoofsteps sounded like the sweet chimes of some soft musical instrument on the cold steel ramp.

((I'm sorry, Nicalor.)) She said to me, nudging up to my side. ((Did I scare you?))

I stuttered nervously to her, now embarrassed by the incident. ((Of course not! Scare me? No. I was, uh… simply testing the Earth gravity. I believe it is safe for us.))

The female rolled her stalk eyes, and then let them search the scenery around us. We were still halfway down the ramp, and our view consisted mostly of the underside of our vessel. ((Shall we continue onwards?)) She offered.

My body regained its composure, tail arching up high behind me. ((After you.)) I returned in my most gentlemanly tone.

Ardina nodded, and with a swift flick of her shoulders, she marched on ahead with poise. I followed closely behind, but instead of directing my eyesight to the scenery slowly emerging around us, I found all four of my eyes drawn to the anatomy that swaggered just in front of me.

((Wow,)) I barely noticed Ardina saying. ((It's actually rather pleasant. Wonderful, even.))

((Oh yes,)) I replied quietly. ((Quite delectable…))

My ears picked up a huffing noise, and one of my stalk eyes caught onto Ardina's, who had noticed the direction of my focus. Embarrassed, I coughed up a desperate diversion.

((This platform. It's delightful! Very nice metal plates...))

Ardina chuckled cutely once again, and with her slender tail pressed against my face so that it was no longer descended in the direction of her supple frame. She guided my vision to the world around us, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a place that was… adequate.

Adequate. Perhaps the right word for it. The air was cool and not too humid, but it was also thick and polluted. The view wasn't offensive, but nor was it outstanding. It wasn't as wonderful as Ardina first mentioned, but I felt that she was purposeful trying to draw my focus away from her own backside when she said that.

We stood on the warm metal platform and continued to observe the surroundings. In our local vicinity, small motor vehicles buzzed across our line of vision, attending to the newly landed ship, and other Andalites busy at work rushed around hurriedly to see to whatever duties called for them. Far off in the distance sat what I assumed to be New York City. There were great metal buildings stretching up into the deep blue evening sky, the last of the Earth sun's rays reflecting viciously off of their shiny surfaces. The collection of buildings spread over a large portion of the horizon, and already I felt my hooves shake at the daunting task ahead of me.

The sounds of the ship engines were soon extinguished and replaced by the eerie sounds of Human motor vehicles somewhere in the distance. Hooting horns and the screeching of tires was something I had heard from video footage, but it sounded so different when it was coming from the true source.

Ardina turned around so that we stood face to face, and smiled. ((It seems bearable, don't you agree?))

((Yes, though it is making me a little nervous)) I paused and breathed weightily through my nose. ((Not too nervous, obviously.))

((I see you shaking.)) Ardina informed, one stalk eye swivelling to glance at my wobbly hind legs. ((Don't worry Nicalor, I am here to look after you.)) She offered teasingly.

((Ha!)) I snorted, a little defensively. ((I am in no need of protection. There isn't much on this little planet that scares _me_.))

I yelped in shock as Ayattil suddenly appeared in my eye line. ((Sir!))

Ardina laughed, and I excused myself by indignantly pushing Ayattil to the side.

((Are you determined to make me look like a fool, Ayattil?!)) I growled in private thought-speech. ((Why must you ruin the atmosphere with your idiocy?))

((But sir!)) He squeaked. ((I thought Ardina was madly in love with you, sir! Surely making you look a fool would be superfluous!))

((Superfluous. Such a long word… I'm surprised, Ayattil.)) I smirked patronisingly down to him. ((Anyway, what do you mean she's _madly in love_ with me?))

A devious smile appeared over his dopey eyes. ((Don't think that I didn't hear you through the walls the other night, sir!))

I blushed and averted my gaze. ((I… You… How dare you suggest that we…))

Ayattil chuckled in an annoyingly graceless manner. ((Oh, but it was great, sir! It was like a series of small explosions going off, sir. My floor was bouncing and everything!))

((Ayattil!)) I practically screamed at the irritating runt.

((It was a pity when it ended after only three minutes, sir!))

I stamped my left fore-hoof on the platform. ((Ayattil! Would you please be quiet and continue to clean up the mess you made?!))

((But sir!)) He began. ((From what I heard through the walls, it was _you_ who was making the-))

((Please… just go pick up the cargo and return it to me in one piece.)) I hissed, hands shaking into fists. ((Or it will be _you_ who is broken!))

What a relief that my threat worked. Ayattil finally stopped his pestering and ran off to finish his job. I glanced over to Ardina, who was stood behind us, still snickering softly to herself.

((I'm sorry, he's just so eager to get to the hotel.)) I told her, far too embarrassed and prideful to reveal our actual conversation to her.

((I must admit that I am also looking forward to getting to the Human building.)) She said, glancing around the base for our transport.

We stood in waiting for a while and muttered polite conversation to each other and occasionally to other members of the crew, who joined us with their packed luggage at the side of the platform. Much to my frustration, my left stalk eye picked up Ayattil who once more approached me with a pleased look on his face. ((Sir!))

((You again?)) I grumbled, already fed up with his presence on this new planet. ((Have you cleaned away the equipment that you dropped?))

((Yes, sir!)) He replied in his typically exaggerated drone.

((And is anything damaged?))

((All of it, sir!))

My hands clenched into fists again, and I glared angrily at the oblivious assistant. ((Everything?!))

((Well, there is one thing that we didn't break, sir!)) He chirped.

I closed my eyes in unenthusiastic anticipation. ((And what, may I ask, is that?))

((The box, sir.)) He lifted the large container so that I could observe it.

I shook my head and turned away from him, no longer feeling the need to talk to such an incompetent.

Ardina and I spent the next few minutes admiring the scenery of our new home and waiting for our ride into the city. The hotel that would be hosting us for the next two years was kind enough to provide us with a bus that would move us to and from the city whenever we needed, and a while after we had finished unloading the ship, it arrived. It was quite a large vehicle, and its innards had been manipulated to be better suited to Andalite passengers. The Human seats had all been removed, leaving the inside to look like a large, open, windowed room. Bars lined the edges to be used to steady ourselves on rougher journeys, and the floor was covered in a light layer of faux grass. It was reasonably comfortable, but as soon as the ten members of our crew were loaded up and the vehicle's engine started, I wanted to get straight back off.

The bus took us over a large stretching runway made of black gravel material, decorated with mysterious white markings. It was what the Humans called a highway, as one of my colleagues alleged. It quickly brought us into the great Human jungle of New York City, and I quickly came to realise the scope of the place - It was bigger than I could imagine in more ways than one. The buildings were huge complexes of steel and glass that stretched up with an uncountable number of floors, their summits invisible past the bus window frames. The roads were vast and filled by walls of multi-coloured, noisy motor vehicles that came to sudden starts and stops all around us. For the most part, our bus remained stationary for unnecessary amounts of time as the cars formed impassable barriers before us, indulging in hideous battles of horns and shouting.

There were a lot of humans, and that is perhaps the biggest understatement that I could give. They buzzed around the concrete jungle like a swarm of insects, crowding the designating walking areas and bounding between the stationary vehicles around us. They wore an enormous variety of artificial skins over their pathetic bodies, creating one long piece of abstract art in an infinite banner, stretching as far as the eye could see.

I could barely keep up with what I was observing, and after a while it became one big indecipherable blur of movement. My colleagues appeared just as dizzied by the intake. No one aboard but our driver had ever witnessed real Humans before, and now we were surrounded by more than could possibly be counted. It was terribly unnerving.

Ardina remained closely by my side, and as we reached the busier areas of the city, I felt her hand take mine. She seemed just as nervous as I was, and that in itself was a small consolation for me. Apart from Ayattil, she was the only other life form on this planet that I really knew, and I was certainly not going to spend much of my time mingling with Ayattil.

Once we had passed through the clogged arteries of the city, our bus finally came to a halt in front of our hotel, the driver announcing our arrival. The building and the surrounding area appeared to be one of the nicer areas of town, which calmed yet another fear of mine. Ayattil took my equipment from the bus and to the entrance hall, while I helped with Ardina's things, much to her satisfaction.

I stepped out from the bus with a large sack over my shoulder into the cool New York air. Now there was nothing separating me from the Humans, and as soon as my hooves touched down on hard concrete, a small Human male charged by in front of me, briefcase in hand. He shouted an apology over his shoulder, but I was too in awe of my situation to reply.

They bustled all around us, some of them taking pleasure in our appearance by taking photographs or trying to talk to us, but none of my crew was in the right mood for such confrontation. We were all lost in a deep exhaustion, brought on from the long journey and the frightening intake of our new surroundings. I put up with one Human beside a big stone pillar who wanted a photograph with a "real space alien", and hustled my way to the extravagant hotel entrance.

If the outside was a little on the fancy side, the inside of this particular building was stunning. The walkways were lined with lush red velvet that ran up to the reception desks and the primitive Human transporters on the far side. The walls seemed expensively decorated in mixes of deep purple, gold and red, and dotted with golden lamps and exaggerated Earth flora that stretched right up to the ceiling. Quaint little water features were cunningly placed around the main desk, disappearing and reappearing behind the occasional Human wandering past. The place was garish and perhaps a little self-indulgent, but overall I was quite pleased with what I saw. It wasn't as hideous as some Human establishments that I had seen from the ship's sources.

Our escort brought us to the large reception desk at the end of the ground floor, where several Human staff greeted us with polite smiles. This involved the curling of the mouth, something that could express a great and bewildering variety of emotions, but these particular smiles seemed gracious and inviting enough.

One of the staff members, whose nametag indicated the Human as "Claire", was the first to greet our party. "Hello, and welcome to The Grand Central Hotel!"

The blond, ponytailed Human female rambled on with what was obviously a scripted welcome, and we all did our best to pay attention. My fingers began to twitch, eager to set down the equipment and get some rest on whatever bed I would be granted in my room. To my surprise, however, after the Human Claire had finished her epic welcome, a flock of Human servants engulfed our group and started offering to take our luggage to our rooms for us. Pleasantly taken aback by the offer, I ordered Ayattil to aid the Human servants in moving our equipment, and handed him Ardina's sack to be taken to her room.

I was handed a small slab of plastic by one of the desk staff, who informed me that it was the key to my room.

((Thank you… Sophia.)) I said, having to squint to see the staff member's nametag.

"Your room is on the eighth floor, sir." She gleamed. "We trust you'll enjoy your stay at The Grand Central Hotel, and hope that you can attend our meet-and-greetsession tomorrow evening at eight."

((Will you be there, Miss?)) Ayattil spoke to the Human, popping into view with a misguided smile on his face. ((You're very pretty.))

I grimaced at his awkward and disturbing sentiment and gave him a swift slap to the back of the head. I turned my main eyes to the Human. ((Please don't mind this one. He is not quite correct in the head, if you understand me.))

Sophia nodded, still expressing that scripted welcoming grin. I pulled Ayattil away and gave him a private word.

((Ayattil, if you wish to embarrass yourself in front of the Humans, please make sure to do it when I'm not present to be associated with you.))

((Okay, sir.)) He responded emotionlessly.

((And what were you doing, anyway?)) I asked of him, still grimacing. ((Were you courting that Human female?))

He paused, then, ((I might have been, sir.))

((Well don't,)) I huffed. ((It's revolting.))

((But sir! I've never been with a female before!)) He argued like a lustful halfwit.

((Yes, and for good reason, Ayattil.)) I reasoned, patting him on the shoulder. ((But even you, young imbecile, are too proud an Andalite to court a Human. Humans are hideous. Any sane Andalite would sooner court a Taxxon!))

Our escort and the Human servants carrying our luggage soon led us over to the other side of the main hall, where three primitive Human transporters sat within the lusciously coloured wall. Ardina, Ayattil and I followed our two Human servants as they pressed an arrowed button by the transporters side. The machine was horribly slow to work, and minutes after pressing the activation button, the doors finally agreed to part, allowing us to squeeze into the cramped space inside.

((So these are Human transporters?)) I mused privately to Ardina, gazing into a mirror that occupied the far end of the compartment.

((Terribly inefficient…)) She sneered, voicing my own opinion. ((So primitive and-))

The small metal box we were standing in jerked violently, throwing us slightly off balance. It rumbled into life, and I could feel it ascending.

I groaned at the sickening motions. ((Perhaps we could lend the Humans transporters that aren't so jerky… This is just abysmal! I'm surprised they can stay upright on their two legs.))

I held onto the bars of the transporter as it rumbled further up the building like a ship going through take-off. Our short journey ended with another sudden bump, and the large doors opened up into a great corridor, granting me welcomed relief from the beginnings of claustrophobia. We spilled out into the corridor behind our new escorts and observed the bright surroundings. The walls were an appealing white, and they stood over a layer of smooth, red artificial grass that expanded outwards to our left, right, and straight ahead of us.

The Human servants moved along again, the three of us tagging along behind, intently focused on the confusing layout and décor of our new home. One escort soon slowed, and dropped the bags he was carrying to the floor. ((Miss Ardina- Eskallon-Taryal, this is your room.))

Ardina inspected the door and the number on its front: 822.

((I suppose I shall see you soon.)) Ardina shrugged to me. ((You can come by later tonight if you wish. Room eight-two-two.))

I nodded and smiled to her. ((See you later tonight, then. I hope your room is as delightful as you are.)) I could have slapped myself at that moment.

She blushed and rolled her stalk eyes. ((Oh you…))

Ayattil and I continued down the unending hallways after our escort, who eventually stopped us beside our own rooms. I was in 834, Ayattil was in 835. The escort showed Ayattil how to use the key he had been given, and once he had entered his own room, the Human moved onto me.

((I assume I do exactly as my assistant did…)) I mused, inspecting both sides of the little coloured card in my fingers.

"Yes, sir," The Human male concurred. "But you must always slot the key into the lock with the purple end facing the door. Otherwise, it won't let you in."

((Ah. I see.)) I agreed, slotting the card key into the slot above the door handle. ((What a quaint lock system your Human hotels have.))

The escort said nothing, his hands clasped formally behind his back. I turned a stalk eye and politely dismissed him after handing him a small tip.

A green signal flashed beneath the key slot, and I could just about hear the locks shift and turn. I pressed down on the door handle, and entered my new home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

((-this working? I don't understand why… Ah! There we go! Okay, so this is my third journal entry. I thought that I would no longer be able to report my time spent on Earth after today's incident with the transporting of my equipment. Most of the equipment was damaged from the fall, but thankfully the majority of it is still operational, including this portable computer I am using to record. I shall therefore continue to mark my progress over these next two years, and I indeed hope that there will be much to record. I have spent the last two or three Earth hours acclimatising to my new home and it is much as I suspected it would be. Due to my prolonged stay here, the Humans have provided me with a suitably large room with en suite hygiene facilities. I did not expect much in the way of comfort, as Humans cannot be trusted to understand the specific needs of our race, but the staff at my hotel have afforded me with sufficient furnishes and an appropriate bed. They would be considered below-standard on our home planet, but that is understandable on a foreign world inhabited by a species that only found out about our presence a few years ago. The room is subtlety coloured, mostly white, and has a large window to let in as much light as is needed. Extra lighting is provided, and I assume that this is for seeking out lost food items, if they were to be dropped under the desk or down the sink. The flooring has been made to look like grass, but it is nothing more than a cheap aesthetic. It is some form of polymer, and so it is inedible. However, among several files left on the desk by the staff was a pamphlet informing me of the layout of the hotel. On the first floor is a-))

A loud bang on the wall to my right. I ignored it.

((On the first floor is an Andalite feeding centre, where it is advised that we socialise. It assures me that the grass is fresh, but, again, I am not convinced that these Humans are fully able to cater to our high standards. When I am not feeding, socialising or busy attending to my primary occupation, it is suggested that I travel around the city to search out cultural or physical activity. The pamphlet offers locations that it considers suitable, and I fully intend to visit places such as Bronx Zoo, Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and the Guggenheim Museum, among other such landmarks. Before I partake of said activities, however, I must first acquire a Human morph. I have been given an appointment at one o'clock tomorrow, where I shall be allowed to acquire that very form, and then be free to explore the city without fear of harassment by Humans eager to meet or sneer at me. Once I-))

Another couple of bangs from next door. It was probably Ayattil still moving his television.

((Be quiet, Ayattil!)) I shouted, irritated by the noise pollution. I cleared my head and continued. ((Once I have had a week to explore my new surroundings, I will be required to visit my work station and begin my placement. From what I understand, crimes committed against the Humans by my people are rare, so I look forward to quiet and forgiving shifts. I shall enjoy-))

More bangs, and that was the final straw. I left the portable computer on the desk and stormed over to the wall that separated my room from Ayattil's.

((Ayattil! If you do not cease your infernal banging, I will ram that damned television so far up your-))

Then came a knock on the door that interrupted my shouting. I finished my verbal rampage by banging against the wall hard enough for Ayattil to hear, and then tended to my visitor.

I opened the door to find a black-haired Human female staring back at me, this one also carrying the pleasant twist of the lips and showing off the mysteriously white bones that protruded from the gums.

((Hello?)) I greeted without the same fervour that she presented, wondering to myself why she was intruding on my time.

"Hello!" The female chirped ecstatically. "I've come to ask if you are satisfied with your room, or if there is anything I could possibly help you with."

((I am fine.)) I replied a little harshly, looking around and behind her for anything that made her visit worthwhile. ((And my room is satisfactory.))

Her smile didn't falter even slightly. "That's good! We hope that you enjoy your stay at The Grand Central Hotel!"

((Yes. Thank you.)) I mumbled, ending the concise conversation. I shook my head in bafflement as the Human female swooped on down the hallway to the next room. I returned to my own room, closing the door behind me.

I was indeed satisfied with my room. As satisfied as I could have been with a room furnished and decorated by Humans in a naïve attempt to grant me comfort, anyway. I rubbed my left forehoof fastidiously against the prickly faux grass that lined my floor and allowed my eyes to once again roam my surroundings. My nose picked up the smell of lavender fragrance that poured from several air fresheners placed craftily around the room, a smell that neither invited nor offended. A large screened communication device sat against the wall opposite my bed, something that the humans called a television. Beside the Andalite-suited bed was my desk, on which I had laid out most of my smaller pieces of equipment, including my portable computer. It was still recording.

I stepped over to it, sighing to myself. ((Computer. End journal entry. Mark Earth date 30th August. Entry number 3.)) It flashed its compliance and turned off, leaving nothing behind but the small silver object from which the holograms were emitted, sat in the centre of the desk.

Already bored with exploring the room and packing my things away, I contemplated wasting the rest of the day watching the television, hoping that I may be able to learn something useful about this perplexing species from one of its primitive broadcasts. Instead, though, I took up Ardina's invitation and visited her at room 822, and ended up spending a long and pleasurable night in her company. It was better than sitting alone, and when we weren't too busy flirting we discussed the activities for the following day.

That day soon came, and I woke atop an unfamiliar bed with Ardina's arm wrapped cosily around my waist. When I finally regained some energy, I detached her arm and removed myself without waking her, and got up to stretch off my sleep. The bed I had slept on was small and uncomfortable, so there were a few knots and cramps to rid myself off before I could make my way back to my own room.

I nudged Ardina's shoulder after I had taken a quick drink and told her that I was going to get ready for my appointment. She grunted a sleepy reply, and with that I left for my own quarters. As I reached my door and pulled down on the handle, I realised a minor mistake that I had made. My card key was still on my desk. Banging on the door and pushing heavily against it didn't help, and so I had to call on a staff member to open it for me. My embarrassment was clear to the Human male who helpfully opened my door with a master key.

Back inside my room, I made a clear point of attaching my utility belt to my waist and putting my card key in one of the more secure pockets. My portable computer and radio device also found a snug place on the belt, and from then on I was determined not to leave the hotel or even my room unprepared.

After another stretch to wane off the last of my sleep, my stomachs rumbled up to me, disapproving of my lack of eating over the past couple of days. I double-checked my belt to make sure that I had everything I needed, and headed for the door. However, as my stalk eyes gave my home one last check, I caught sight of the clock. It was a small circular device that loomed over my desk, steadily and inoffensively ticking away. Humans use these creations to tell the time, but it is a strange and unnecessary system, inferior to the time devices present on my portable computer. There were three hands on the clock, all of different size and speed. At first, it took me a while to gather from their positions what the time was.

Then I finally wrapped my brain around it. It was approximately 11:58AM, two minutes until midday, and sixty-two minutes until my appointment. There was no longer time to feed in the designated hotel feeding area. I had to find the building where my interview was going to be held.

I found the letter on my desk which gave me the information I needed. The appointment was indeed at 1PM, and was to be initiated at a new building that was essentially an alien information and currency translation centre. The letter was helpful enough to provide a map, but advised that I arrange vehicular transport via the hotel reception desk. Judging by the apparent distance of the building from this hotel, that option was preferable, and I picked up the crude communication device that had been left on my desk and made contact with the staff at reception. They were kind enough to arrange a taxi, which would hopefully be ready by the time I made the short journey to the ground floor.

My taxi arrived just as I began to grow frustrated with waiting around by the reception desk. A stocky Human male with a close-shaven head greeted me with a deft handshake.

"Good afternoon!" The male hummed. "Nicalor-Garroon-Charod?"

I smiled as jauntily as I could to the Human. ((Yes, that is me. You are to provide me with transport, I believe.))

He seemed amused by my formal tone. "Come with me. The taxi's outside."

So I followed the male towards the hotel entrance, and once outside he proceeded to lead me down the busy street to my vehicle. He helpfully aided in dissuading Humans that appeared eager to approach me, but I still caught the distinctive snap of cameras on occasion during that short journey, as well as the expected cries of amazement.

Perhaps I should have been flattered by the Human interest in me, but I couldn't help but feel like it was some subtle persecution.

The taxi was not a regular New York City taxi, as the Human informed me. We Andalites would have great difficulty finding comfort in the usual Human vehicles, our bodies not adapted to the cramped spaces and awkward seating, so our taxis were in the form of modified vans painted yellow and with the typical taxi features added. My escort opened up the rear doors and guided me up and into the claustrophobic vehicle. Windows had been built into the sides to allow light in, and the floor had been layered with the same faux grass that was present in my hotel room, completely inedible and just a little itchy. Overall, this vehicle wasn't bad, but I really disliked the confined space that seemed a common theme in this city.

The Human male pulled himself into the front seat and lifted his elbow to look back at me. "Comfortable?"

((This is a very small space…)) I commented bluntly.

"Well, there ain't much I can do about that." He chuckled, turning back around to start the motor engine. "So how long have you been in NYC?"

I was a little surprised that the Human was attempting a conversation. Since arriving, I had conversed minimally with the Humans, if at all. They gave me the impression that they deliberately avoided conversation with me, and I wondered why. ((Today will be my first full day on your planet.))

"Ah, a newcomer!" He chuffed. "You a little nervous?"

I sat clumsily down on the plastic flooring, unable to stand comfortably while the vehicle was in motion. ((Yes. The "cities" on our home world are not so extravagant, and are far less daunting.))

"They all say that." He remarked. "I've been taxiing Andalites for years now, and they all start off a little nervy. You'll love New York, though."

((I sincerely hope that I do. Are there any activities that you could recommend, having spoken to a number of my people before?))

He huffed a knowing laugh. "You got a Human form yet?"

((Not yet,)) I said. ((But you are taking me to the place where I will acquire my Human morph.))

"Well," He continued to answer my initial question. "You can't go wrong with the restaurants. You Andalites go _nuts_ over food! Once you've tucked in to a steak dinner, you'll feel right at home."

I began to feel comfortable around this Human. Perhaps his experience with taxiing my people had accustomed him enough to us not to be intimidated by our appearance like other Humans seemed to be. ((I do not wish to call you simply "Human male",)) I said. ((May I ask what your name is?))

"You can call me Larry, and you may have to remember that name, because I'm the guy who does most of the alien taxiing for the Grand Central."

((Ah. That is good to know.))

The taxi came to a standstill. Looking out of the window, I notices that we were lost in a sea of cars. Plenty of other taxis clogged up the road around us, and the sound of honking car horns polluted the air like a haunting symphony.

((Are the streets always so congested? Surely that makes this mode of transport redundant.)) I mused.

"Always." He stated. "But would you rather walk out there as an Andalite?" He stared at me through a mirror hung above the vehicles frontal window.

((Of course not.)) I grumbled.

He nodded. "Sometimes you see Andalites walking the streets, and most of the time they're fine. But sometimes they get mobbed by tourists, you know. Then they get lost; end up in the bad parts of town… It ain't pretty. I probably don't need to tell you that there are people out there who ain't too fond of you Andalites."

((I understand that, and I hope to avoid such people for as long as possible.))

The car began rolling again, and we turned sharply around a corner. Larry's eyes were concentrating on the road again, but he still indulged me in discussion. "As long as you stay in this part of the city, you'll be fine. You'll still get a few people who are a little sore about the Yeerk thing and whatever, but they ain't violent."

((I cannot deny that we may not have been the Human's best ally in the war…)) I mumbled to him, feeling a touch of shame towards my own people's military.

"Hey, we're all friends here." Larry reassured, and I saw his small in the vehicle mirrors. "No hard feelings."

I smiled to the friendly Human, pleased with his company, but now was a good time to change the topic of our discussion. ((You mentioned restaurants. Is there a specific one that you would recommend?))

He exhaled through his mouth, causing his lips to flap and make a most peculiar noise. "There are so many in New York. It's hard to pick one out. If I had to pick any though, if would be the Green Hill restaurant by Washington Square. The last guy I taxied went there. Said he enjoyed it."

((Thank you, Larry. I shall research this _Green Hill _restaurant when I return to my hotel.))

He chuckled, glancing back to me in the mirror as we hit another block of traffic. "You gotta be careful, though. I've seen plenty of Andalites trying food for the first time, and it always ends the exact same way. If I were you, I wouldn't eat out for your first time. Get used to eating in your hotel room first."

I took heed of his advice. Stories that I had previously been told often ended with my people morphing Human and going ballistic over the presence of even the smallest foodstuffs. Going straight to a public Human diner for my first experience at eating would be a disastrous decision.

We reached our destination approximately 15 Earth minutes before my appointment would begin. Larry parked the taxi up outside of the large three-storey building and unlocked the doors for me to exit. I stared up at the Human construction which was forwarded by a large concrete archway. A plaque sat beside the entrance, reading _New York City Alien Community and Information Center, Est. 2002._

I stared past the extravagant archway and with my main eyes inspected the stonewalled structure. It seemed welcoming enough, and as I admired the luscious soft grass that lay beside its wide walkways, I noticed a small group of my people chatting casually amongst themselves. It was a comforting sight for me.

"How long is the appointment?" Larry asked, folding his arms over his chest and standing by my side.

((No longer than an hour. Must I call a taxi back to the hotel?))

"I wouldn't recommend walking." He suggested. "You have money for a cab back to the hotel?"

"Not yet," I looked at him with one stalk eye, my main eyes still observing the building. "But our government is giving me funding for my placement, and it shall be translated into your Human currency. I shall receive it from the officials here in this building, so I will have money by the time I am done."

Larry gave an approving nod. "Well, if you run into any trouble, just give me a call." He reached into his lower artificial skin and pulled out a stack of cards, wrapped together with a small piece of elastic rubber. He pulled out a single card and handed it over to me. It was his business card, displaying his taxi service information and a number to dial on one of the primitive Human communication devices.

((Thank you, Larry.)) I said, storing the small piece of card in my utility belt. ((I shall hope to see you again soon.))

Larry drove off in his taxi, leaving me to myself in front of the vast building, which was comparatively miniature to the buildings that surrounded it. I wandered through the archway, and before I entered the building I fed on the beautiful green Earth grass to nourish my body. More Andalites had appeared in the small opening, but I had little time to mingle, and I pushed my way through the large wooden doors of the complex with five minutes to spare.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I entered the building with a growing sense of scepticism as to its comfort. The Human race seemed inherently adoring of confined, enclosed spaces, spending a great deal of their time in the tiny boxes they called homes and their unnervingly claustrophobic vehicles. However, my fears were misleading, and as I strolled into the main entrance, I found that the ceilings were high, the walls wide apart, and the floor pleasantly layered with soft carpet. The lighting was neither too dark, nor was it too bright, perfectly suited to our species sight, and the natural beams of light from the sun outside shone beautifully through the large entrance windows, sharply illuminating the areas around me. The air was fragranced with a suspiciously familiar scent, and I quickly came to the conclusion that it came from special scent releasers that originated from our own planet.

It was plainly obvious that my people had a large say in how this building was designed, and they had done a marvellous job at making something that should be dull and uninviting into something that was actually bearable to be in.

With a newfound spring in my step, I trotted to a hole in the left wall that I correctly assumed was the reception desk. I hoped that the staff member present would be just as welcoming as the hallway, and, as it turned out, she was. She was an older Human female with tightly bunched silver hair, and her face shone up at me, lacking in the visible nerves that was displayed on most other Human faces at any Andalite's appearance.

((Hello.)) I greeted warmly to the female. ((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, and I am expected here for an appointment at exactly 1 o'clock PM today.))

The calm Human nodded and messed around with a large boxy computer to her left, tutting lightly as she perused some information that even with my stalk eyes I could not take a peek at.

"Ah, yes!" She chirped in the oft-grating high-pitch Human voice, once again smiling up at me. "Nicalor-G-C. Your meeting is taking place in conference room C-2. That's on the third floor. Just take the elevator and it's on your first left once you're on the correct floor. You can't miss it, it's straight on ahead. You may have to wait outside for a few minutes, but you should be invited in shortly."

((Thank you very much…)) I glanced with one stalk eye to her nametag. ((…Shirley.))

I left with a grateful bow to the Human, cantering contently to the elevator that sat beside a Human stairwell. The Elevator was confined and a little too warm, but I could not expect everything about this building to be of such a high standard.

Nevertheless, this elevator was considerably less urgent than the ones I had used in the hotel, and the fragrance of our own planet was enough of a comfort to hold off any bad mood that could have taken over. It opened up onto the third floor, and though the ceiling was a little lower than on the ground floor, the location I found myself in was still surprisingly welcoming. The walls were a very light shade of yellow, and held rows of framed photographs at perfect eye height. I heard the distant movement of hooves from the corridor to my right, and saw an Andalite tail moving from around a corner at the far end of the hall.

My meeting area was to my left, a longer corridor that came to an abrupt end, and from here I could read a sign: _Conference Room C-2_. Just as simply as the receptionist had made out!

So I made my way in that direction, passing by branching corridors and the occasional Andalite or Human staff as they busily trudged on by. Having taken note of the time earlier in the day and securely storing it in my head, I was now able to accurately keep track of time, even without the aid of my portable computer or the crude Human clocks. My inner clock therefore informed me that I had only a minute before my meeting was to begin, not allowing for staff lateness.

I should have already been able to enter. My people, due to our superior ability to keep track of time, are rarely late. Then again, they were working with Humans here, too…

Even when 1 o'clock came, no one exited the room's doors to find me, and I assumed that the Humans were holding back the schedule for whatever reason. This gave me some time to explore my surroundings, and I took pleasure in observing the collection of framed photographs on the walls. Most of them were taken from Human staff exhibitions or celebrations.

There were a couple of pictures of the building being opened or renovated, the first that I saw being of the Mayor of New York City shaking hands with the lead designers and architects. There were images of Humans from major organisations, which primarily dealt with Andalite or other alien issues, posing with the new building owners and staff.

There was an artistic collection of photographs taken by a group of Andalite tourists sponsored by the centre, who explored major landmarks all over the country and around the world, the most noticeable of which, in my humble opinion, being of a group standing proudly before Mount Rushmore, a monument that I found particularly intriguing. Another small framed collection showed the Human staff of the building on an expedition to Yellowstone National Park, where they posed with groups of curious but cheerful Hork-Bajir. One image showed a Human female grinning toothily, sat beside a Hork-Bajir mother who was cradling a new-born.

There were yearly staff photographs, Humans and Andalites unsegregated and smiling graciously for the unseen cameraman. Images of my people working dutifully alongside the Humans on computers or in meetings were present, as were photographs of charity events held by the building that raised money for worthy causes within and outside of the city. I could gather from the photographs that they had raised money for homeless Human youths, wounded soldiers from both the Yeerk war and other wars that were currently being fought, and for the upkeep of the Hork-Bajir habitat in Yellowstone.

It was a nice little collection, and it kept me mildly entertained for the next four minutes before the double-doors of the conference room finally opened. An Andalite emerged, one of a considerably greater age than mine, evident from his slightly crusty hooves and the noticeable discolouration of his fur. He was almost a clear foot taller than I, though, and he would have towered over most other Andalites in much the same way. He daintily trotted over to me.

((Admiring our collection, I see.)) He spoke proudly. ((We have been collecting these images since 2002.))

((They are very nice.)) I replied politely, indicating with a stalk eye to a picture of a particularly ravishing female holding the floor of a conference.

The older male smiled and bowed formally. ((My name is Drehun-Tegganah-Harruth. You are Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, correct?))

((Yes.)) I returned the formalities. ((It is good to meet you, Drehun.))

((A pleasure, Nicalor.))

I nodded, finishing my bow. Drehun was the superior who had sent for me, the one who needed more staff to continue policing our people in the Human city of New York. He was my employer, and this was the first time I had met him in person, so I felt a great need to make a good first impression.

((This is an impressive building, much more habitable than the hotel I have been forced to reside in.)) I said with a derisive laugh.

((I picked out that hotel specifically for you and your crew.))

I flustered, hopefully not too noticeably. ((And what a marvellous hotel it is! A good choice, popular among the crew!))

Drehun gave a subtle huff and turned. ((Shall we get down to business?))

He led me into the conference room, which brought us from the bright and fragranced corridor into a blue tinted, air-conditioned box, complete with a meeting table that sat below a number of large windows looking out over the city street. A disproportionately vast rotating seat occupied one end of the rectangular table, dominating over a dozen or so other chairs that sat on either side.

The room, apart from the two of us, was empty, at least for now. Drehun swaggered over to the head seat designed for a Human and pushed it to the side. There was no need, nor was there accommodation for us to sit. I stood at one side of the table and watched him intently.

((I trust that you had a pleasant voyage.)) He started casually.

((As pleasant as the ship would allow.)) I replied, resting a hand on the nearest seat. ((I am just happy to be on solid ground yet again.))

((Solid, yet foreign ground.)) He suggested. ((Have you begun to adjust to life among the Humans?))

((I have only been here a day. I am a little overwhelmed by the city, what with it being so… populous.))

He chuckled lightly. ((Yes, the city can be a daunting place, as can the Humans as a species.))

((I have been fortunate enough when it comes to meeting Humans.)) I said. ((Those that I have met have been most accommodating.))

((That is good!)) Drehun replied. ((And it is those well-intentioned Humans that you are here to protect. If we are to maintain a friendly relationship with this species, we must show that we care for their safety from some of the more ill-minded of our own. That is why I have brought you to this planet.))

((Is there much crime committed by our people in this city?)) I asked curiously.

((Not really.)) He sighed, I assume not for the lack of crime but for the boredom that his job must have therefore entailed. ((Most of our people here are tourists, or doctors, or, like us, those working to prevent the near-non-existent criminal activity. They are rare, and even when they do occur, they are mostly minor. Yet we still have to keep the appearance of vigilance. We have to show our Human friends that we will do our best to prevent anything unfortunate occurring.))

I felt a little relief, knowing that if what Drehun had said was true, this would be quite an easy placement. Then, I told myself inwardly that I should know better than to get complacent.

((And is there much crime committed against _our_ people?)) I continued.

((There is more, but it is still rare. Not many Humans are stupid enough to attack an able-bodied Andalite.)) He muttered, swishing his tail so that the blade sliced deftly through the air. ((And anyway, that is something that the Human forces tend to. You are only here to investigate Andalite crime.))

He reached down under the conference table and revealed a Human briefcase, dropping it heavily on the table and opening the locks. From it, he pulled a small stack of paper held together by a single staple, and with a delicate finger he flicked through a couple of pages before he found what he was looking for. ((You begin work next week, correct?))

I nodded. ((In eight Earth days.))

((And you are to be stationed at… the New York City Police Department building, East 67th Street.))

Again, I nodded to indicate my agreement.

((Good!)) He exclaimed, dropping the papers beside the open briefcase. ((I trust that you have done the appropriate research for the job, and I look forward to seeing you in action!))

((Thank you, Drehun, sir.))

((Of course, we must return to the primary matter of this meeting. As you know, if you are to work among the Humans, it is necessary that you are able to take a Human form so that you can move more freely around the city.))

((Yes, sir.)) I concurred stately.

((As with other Andalites requiring Human morphs, we have arranged for a group of Human volunteers to provide their DNA so that you may mix them and acquire a unique identity.))

I raised an eyebrow. ((How many Humans are required for each morph?))

((Usually between four and six. I have managed to arrange six for you, Nicalor, and they should be arriving any minute now.))

((Late, are they?)) I hummed in a sigh.

((Of course.)) Drehun chuckled, sharing my bitter humour at the frustrating Human habit. ((Have you already acquired the morphing ability?))

I hesitated, suddenly paranoid that I had missed some important meeting. ((No, sir. I haven't.))

He smiled. ((Not a problem.))

Reaching back into the small leather briefcase, he retrieved a small blue cube that glowed hauntingly in his elderly hand. It was small, about the size of the coffee mugs that had been left in my hotel room by ignorant staff. It was a rarity, only to be carried by those of high rank or importance. The _Escafil_ Device.

Drehun approached casually and held the cube out in front of me, and I couldn't help but gaze curiously at its simplicity. A simplicity deceitfully hiding the great technological breakthrough, one of our people's greatest successes.

Of course, before coming to Earth I had done prior research, knowing that I would eventually have to go through this procedure, so I knew how the cube was operated. I lifted my hand and placed it daintily on the top surface of the tiny cube, its quiet energy vibrating noticeably beneath my fingertips. It was quite pleasurable.

Drehun hummed in much the same way as the cube buzzed, eyes drooping in some trance, but then he became seemingly distracted.

((Hold on…)) He grunted, turning the cube upside down. ((Ah, yes. Sorry, it's on massage mode.)) He flicked a small plastic switch on the underside, and then turned it right-side up again. ((It is ready now.))

I placed my hand delicately back on its surface, and after a brief moment, the slightly less vigorously vibrating cube sent a small jolt of charge up my arm that buzzed and sizzled through the rest of my body. The acquisition of the morphing power was complete.

Drehun shivered a little and grunted, obviously feeling the jolt himself. ((It is done. Now, we must wait for the Humans who have volunteered their genetic information.)) He took the cube, readjusted its settings, and placed it back in his briefcase along with my detail papers.

I looked at my palm and the back of my hand, still feeling it rumble from the unusual feeling of the _Escafil_ device. I now had the power to morph, to acquire the DNA of any creature I could touch and become it…

Now, I would be able to taste. Well, after I acquired the Humans, that is.

It didn't take too much longer for them to arrive, and they apologised for their tardiness when Drehun allowed them into the conference room. I was stood on one side of the wide conference table, and the six Humans, all wearing matching white artificial skin over their torsos and cheerful smiles on their faces, sat down in the seats on the opposite side. Drehun closed the conference room doors and strolled over to stand beside me, and we both stared at the strange Human males before us.

There was a long, awkward silence. Drehun was as unfamiliar with these Humans as I was, and they insisted on just gazing up at us, smiling irritably, five-fingered hands clasped simultaneously on the desk in front of them.

My stalk eyes flicked around, looking up and down the creatures whose DNA would soon be a part of me, combined into a new individual that would have its own identity on this strange little planet. Each of the males was white, ranging from the ages of twenty-five to forty-five, at best estimate. Unlike me, they showed no nerves, no twiddling of fingers or faltering of their smiles, and I found it terribly nerve-wracking.

((So…)) I started, raising my arms in a half-hearted shrug.

They continued to smile, unperturbed by the rather disturbing scenario.

I scratched nervously at my flank. ((What is it that you do?)) I asked them.

They looked to each other, smiles not dispersing. The Human second from the left, decidedly the spokesperson, spoke up. "We're Christians!"

((Oh…))

The spokesperson continued. "We thought it was so important to spread the message of our Lord to our extra-terrestrial friends that we have volunteered to share our genes with them!"

((I don't quite understand…)) I mumbled to him. I hadn't heard much about Christians other than the title itself. There was a lot that I still had to learn about this species.

The lead Human giggled to himself. "We want you to feel welcome on our beautiful planet. What better way to welcome you than by letting you experience life as we do?"

((Ah. Well, thank you.)) I said graciously. ((I admit that it is something I have been eager to experience.))

"And what better way to experience humanity," He continued with a suspicious flair, "Than to join us in praise of the Lord?"

((The Lord?)) I looked with one stalk eye to Drehun, who had turned away. He seemed to know what the Human meant, but kept his opinion hidden. ((Who is this "The Lord"?))

"The Lord Jesus Christ, of course!" A second Human said, as if it was something plainly obvious.

Jesus Christ? I remembered that name from one of my more flippant Human research sessions whilst travelling to Earth. He was famous for something. Wasn't he a Spanish soccer player?

"The Creator." The first Human continued to inform. "Creator of the heavens and the earth!"

Suddenly, I began to realise what they meant, and I noticed Drehun was struggling to hide his amusement, trying to look busy by rummaging through his briefcase.

((Ah. You are of a particular Human denomination.)) I summarised. ((Religious, I assume. I'm afraid, however, that I know little about your Human beliefs.))

The Humans seemed to shrug off my words, and continued on some pre-scripted lecture. "He created us all, including our friends from worlds far off into space. He created the Andalites and the world you inhabit."

I narrowed my eyes, annoyed at the Human's brisk statement. ((So you say that this "Lord" created everything?))

"Everything!" A third Human chirped.

((He created the Taxxons?)) I asked, still bewildered.

"Yes. He created the Taxxons."

((He created the Yeerks?)) I sneered.

"Yes. He created the Yeerks, too." The spokesperson said without even a flinch.

((And he created Ayattil, my infuriating assistant?))

"Yes."

((This "Lord" of yours sounds distinctively cruel…)) I muttered.

"It is not the Lord who brings cruelty and evil to the universe," The first Human informed in response to my scepticism. "It was Man's sin that brought evil into existence. Man's sin that brought death and suffering to the universe."

((Well, thank you very much…)) I groaned.

"Our God is a loving God," He proceeded. "He loves his creations. Humans, Andalites, Hork-Bajir. Even the Yeerks. "

((Even Ayattil?))

"Even Ayattil." He assured. "We want to spread the Lord's message among our alien friends, so when you take our DNA, we also wish for you to take this."

The Human reached into a small backpack that he had brought with him, and pulled up a small red book, placing it gently in the centre of the table between us.

((What is this?)) I asked, intrigued, taking the book he offered and inspecting it.

"The Lord's word." He smiled again. "The Bible."

((Ah, so he's an author as well.)) I mumbled to myself, courteously placing the small book in my utility belt.

((Let us move this appointment along.)) Drehun interrupted. Then, turning his attention to the Humans, ((Does Nicalor have your permission to acquire the DNA of each one of you?))

They all signalled their approval, and I proceeded to collect their genetic make-up, starting with the furthest Human to the left. He held his hand over the table as if he was gesturing for a handshake, and I gently took it in mine. He fell silent as I focused on acquiring him, and I once again felt that tingling sensation as he became a part of me.

The others kept us from falling into silence, forging on with their scripted discussion. I politely indulged them, though I was far from convinced, no matter how sternly they were pressing their message.

"We have over a hundred volunteers giving Andalite visitors our DNA." One said as I began to acquire the third in line, storing and mixing the Human DNA with the others. "We hope that the Lord's message spreads all the way back to the Andalite homeworld!"

I could have laughed derisively, but my manners deterred it. These Humans were friendly and pleasant company, and I had no intention of upsetting them or starting an oral fight.

Another spoke up, "We've even applied for permission to send volunteers to Yellowstone to spread the good word there."

I nodded, holding my civil courtesy and moving onto the next Human. ((Have you had much success with my people?))

For the first time in the meeting, the Humans seemed just a little hesitant, and that gave me enough of the answer I required.

I felt a little sorry for them. My people weren't the kind to accept the speculative beliefs of those that were generally considered inferior. I doubted a single Andalite had been convinced. I was not, but nevertheless, I would indulge them enough to accept their offerings and their words, something that I expect a lot of my people would have already gotten frustrated with and dismissed.

I finished the DNA acquiring process, and our meeting was over. I thanked the Humans individually with formal handshakes, and bid them all a pleasant afternoon. They left shortly afterwards, leaving me behind with Drehun, who still seemed amused.

((You will receive a lot of that kind of attention.)) He informed. ((But the salesmen around this city press their offerings with even greater fervour.))

((I am sure that I can handle the Humans.)) I said with outwardly portrayed confidence. ((Even the more assertive ones.))

He rolled his main eyes dismissively and locked up his briefcase. ((We shall see.))


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

((I have spent my first full day on the planet Earth. I arrived home yesterday after my meeting and spent the rest of the day exploring the hotel and personalising my room. It's a little bit more comfortable now, especially since I put up hologramatic pictures of my family and friends from back home. I was already homesick, and my cramped environment didn't help. The Andalite feeding area was like everything else: adequate. But it gave me a good chance to meet up again with the rest of my people, who mostly seemed equally overwhelmed by the first day here. I met new people as well, several of whom were staying on the same floor, and they were good company. Most of them, anyway, but there is always one or two who are so stuck-up that they would hardly notice me from over their hoisted noses. I returned to my room in the late afternoon and indulged in my own solitary company to summarise the day's events. I now have a Human morph, a combination of six males. When I have acclimatised to the Human instincts and morphed a number of times, I will be required to return to the Community and Information center to file for a Human ID card. Not only had I acquired a Human morph, but once yesterday's meeting had concluded, I was able to retrieve my first monthly allowance, granted by the organisation back on the homeworld. I assumed it would be plenty enough, but Drehun had warned me that the money would quickly vanish, like liquid slowly leaking down an open drain. I assured him that I would remain in complete control of my funding, but I secretly felt a little unsure of myself. Finally, reflecting back, I think of myself as rather fortunate when it has come to meeting Humans. Those that I have met have been peculiarly good company. I hope that this trend continues. End journal entry. Mark date 31st August, 2006. Entry number four.))

((So how much money did they give you, sir?)) Ayattil asked from across the room. He, Ardina and I were all stood in my quarters. It was for a very specific reason.

I deactivated my portable computer and dropped it carefully into a desk drawer. ((It's none of your business, Ayattil. Just be assured that it is enough.))

Ardina was stood to the left beside my room's television, patiently dragging her hooves against the floor and watching me with one stalk eye. Ayattil was close to her side, looking as bland and uninteresting as usual.

((So,)) I began after altering my posture, ((We each have acquired our Human morphs?))

((I have.)) Ardina concurred.

((So have I, sir.)) Ayattil added, swinging his tail eagerly.

I smiled and began playing with my utility belt. ((You must be wondering why I have gathered us here.))

((I _had_ a good idea…)) Ardina muttered in a strangely unsatisfied tone, one stalk eye indicating to Ayattil. Her implication was clear, and I was already cursing myself for bringing Ayattil along when I could instead have been spending another private evening with her. I shook it off, and told myself that that could be achieved later.

I continued, ((I have been advised to get used to my Human morph before going out into the city, and I thought that it was advice worth adhering to.))

((That sounds like a sensible idea.)) Ardina chimed in, now with her main eyes focused on me. ((You wanted us here to make sure your morph is successful?))

((To an extent,)) I explained. ((But I thought that maybe we should all try it together, because…))

Playing with my utility belt was not simply a pointless fidgeting exercise. From the larger pocket on the front, I pulled up a small object the size of my fist, wrapped in cellophane and crinkling as I moved it around in my hand. I held it up in front of me for the whole room to admire.

My compatriots narrowed their eyes in suspicion. ((What is that, Nicalor?)) Ardina asked.

((According to a dear friend of mine who is now back on the homeworld, this is one of the Human races greatest treasures. A delicacy of such splendour that no one creature in the universe could ever resist.))

((Well?)) Ardina pressed. ((Tell us!))

I stepped forward, placing the object carefully down on a small coffee table that sat between the three of us.

((A triple choc-chip muffin.))

((Is it dangerous, sir?)) Ayattil choked, breaking a short silence.

((I do not know, Ayattil,)) I responded. ((But I thought that I would bring us all together, just in case it is.))

Each one of us exchanged glances, between curious stares at the Human foodstuff that lay in our midst. We were finally about to do it. We were going to taste for the first time.

((Are we all ready?)) I asked, looking to the two other faces in the room. They both nodded slowly, half attentive to me, half attentive to the muffin as if it were some priceless gem.

((Excellent…)) I muttered, but I lacked any conviction that I showed, twiddling my fingers and tapping my hooves.

After a while, Ardina rolled her eyes. ((You two fear a Human morph?)) Then, she smiled and stood proudly. ((You males are such cowards. I'll start us off.))

I could have objected and attempted to rekindle my desired image to her, but before I could even raise a hand to stop her, she began the transformation.

I had seen the morphing process before on our homeworld, where a number of military personnel and scientists in specific fields would use the ability for training and research, respectively. It was quite frankly a gruesome process, and depending on the morph it could be downright sickening. Fortunately, Human beings weren't _that_ ugly, nor did the upper body differ too much from our own. Still, it was still going to be a nauseating experience.

Ardina's stalk eyes were the first things to go. The eyelids shut and compressed as the balls within shrivelled and vanished. The vestigial stalks retreated into the head, and she grunted in discomfort, but also in frustration at no longer being able to see in all directions at once.

As the last of the stalks were sucked away, her two front hooves softened, the solid keratin melting audibly, flattening and expanding into the long, heeled Human feet. Five ugly toes sprouted, at first dangling pointlessly without bones within to hold them in place.

I sighed and rubbed my head, beginning to feel both left out and a little guilty letting her do it by herself. I closed all four of my eyes, and, as my previous research had suggested, pictured a Human in my head. I reminded myself of the image of one of my DNA volunteers; saw the irritating toothy grin; the thick, strong arms; the chunky hands with fewer digits. I also pictured the clothing, something that would be a little harder to integrate into the morph.

The changes began slowly at first, pace lightened by my wandering brain. My skin began to tingle all over, and a horrible prickly feeling then came over me. My body hair was the first change, retracting into their follicles and leaving just the very lightest layers of thin, barely noticeable fluff. Some hair remained, and I could feel it itching my brow and my skull. It remained elsewhere, too, in places that Humans seemed determined to hide away under artificial skin.

In the midst of hair loss, I also went through a rather severe case of tail loss which came so abruptly that I had no time to brace myself. The bones clicked disturbingly, then disappeared, and the now limp limb took the long journey back into the remaining spine of my back. The blade remained briefly, but equally dissolved into thin air.

Nothing was really painful. Everything was simply a cringe worthy tingling or twisting sensation. The movement of bones and organs within was probably the most disgusting aspect. I looked up and around me, still in control of four operational eyes, and caught sight of the other two. Ardina was understandably further along the morphing process, her body now also naked, and the lower half somehow shrivelling and melding to her Human rear end. I looked away in disgust, only to catch a glance of Ayattil. His morph wasn't much more appealing, a foul fat tongue sticking out of his face.

Thankfully, my stalk eyes soon went the way of my tail and my hair, and I kept my two main eyes closed, averse to the wonderful yet horrifying process that we were undergoing. Suddenly, the two last eyes began to decrease in size again, but before I could panic, they settled on their slightly smaller diameter. That wasn't the only change of my facial features though, as my ears and nose simultaneously began to mutate. My nose jutted out to a point, and two larger nostrils formed on the underside. My ears shortened and flattened, becoming the ugly wrinkled bowls of Human ears.

Finally, a mouth erupted just above my chin. An empty crater at first, but soon it became a whirlwind of activity as teeth jutted loudly from the gums and a tongue formed from the throat like a replicating bacterium, pinching at the base and eventually splitting. The throat continued to open down my neck and into my chest. Then, I could pull air in through it. I could choose between breathing through my nostrils or through my mouth. What an unusual choice to be able to make!

My hind legs, somewhere within the mix of adjusting facial features and broadening upper torso muscles, began to shrink to non-existence, and I nearly toppled backwards, only saved by the strong Human legs that had taken the place of my own spindly forelimbs.

I reopened my eyes. My ever-so-slightly duller Human eyes. The process was complete.

"I belif I ave finust…" I said, forming near-incoherent words with my Human mouth. "Finist. Is. Ish. Finish-tuh."

((You've finished?)) I heard Ardina's thought-speech, then, "So av I. Wow…"

"Vis is vurree wee-uhd, zurh!" Ayattil whined.

Ardina's long blonde-haired Human morph frowned, then pursed and relaxed her lips. "Puh. Buh. Bah. Kuh-kuh." ((What a peculiar feature.)) "Ssssss…"

((Very.)) I agreed, pressing my thick Human fingers to the lips, testing their elasticity and touch. "Pehcoolee-uh."

I found my eyes glued to Ardina's form, even more so than usual. There was something about her that my Human body found too alluring to ignore, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it…

Wait, someone else in the room! To my right, a rather runty looking Human, short, ugly. Somehow, Ayattil had found his perfect Human equivalent.

Was it Ayattil? I don't know, but he was within touching distance of the female. I couldn't allow that. I moved forward clumsily and punched him hard in the face, and bellowed down at his fallen body.

"Dis femayl is mine!" I yelled.

The smaller male looked up and me and rubbed his cheekbone. He knew better than to retaliate. I was bigger than he was. I was the alpha.

I wrapped an arm around Ardina's shoulder and uttered a guffaw at Ayattil, when I realised what had happened.

"Sir?" Ayattil questioned, rising to his feet, still looking completely blank, even as a Human.

I shook my punching hand and rubbed the knuckles with the other. ((Not too hard to control,)) I muttered, ((But these creatures are aggressive!))

Ardina pulled my arm from her shoulder. ((This brain is active. So… unstable.))

I nodded in agreement, continuing to play with my tongue. ((A little overpowering. I want to hurt Ayattil again for the funny look he just gave me.))

((Funny look, sir?)) He asked.

((I don't know, just… your look. I want to punch it.)) Then, for clarity, "Unch. Punch."

Ardina inspected her hands, back and front, and then began to feel the contours of her face. ((It isn't that bad. There are a few unusual instincts, though. Suddenly, I have the urge to spend all day eating _chocolate_ and watching reality television.))

((I feel the same urge, among others. I also want to find a mythical being. Then I want to worship it and discriminate against anyone who disagrees with me.))

((I want to have sex with anything and everything that moves, sir!)) Ayattil added.

((You struggle in _your own _body, Ayattil.)) I mentioned. ((I can't see how you would fare much better when you're a shaved primate.))

I seemed to be over the worst of the Human instincts. The Human brain was a maze of emotion. Everything required my opinion, stirred an emotion within me. And, my God, was it sexually active…

I avoided looking at Ardina for fear of any embarrassing consequences. My attempt at morphing clothes didn't quite go to plan, nor was anyone else successful in that regard.

We needed clothes, something that we had neglected to consider before we made the transformation. My Human brain felt a little uneasy, and when the Human brain was uneasy, it was even more unstable. I needed to distract it, focus it.

Then I remembered the muffin. I tried to turn my stalk eyes to see it, but the inferior Human body did not possess such necessary features. I had to turn my whole body to look behind me, which in turn meant that what I _was_ looking at was now not visible. I cursed the Human form, but was quickly distracted when I saw the muffin sat on the coffee desk. I picked it up with my new hands, the cellophane crinkling under the heavy touch I unintentionally gave it.

Something slammed into my side. I yelled out and turned my head to see Ardina leaning against me, hands clasped against my shoulders.

((Sorry, Nicalor,)) She said, her face a little red. ((I lost balance.)) Using her arms, she pushed herself back up onto her own two legs.

Her stumble made me self-conscious, and I suddenly felt dizzy on just my two legs. To steady myself, I clumsily sat down on the coffee table, a Human method whereby legs are bent and the main part of the body is rested on the rump. I was more stable this way, and I again concentrated on the Human foodstuff that I held. The others were soon following my gaze.

((Shall we?)) Ardina offered, steadying herself beside me.

I nodded and tried to pull open the muffin wrapper. Utilising my increased upper arm strength, I ripped the cellophane with such force that I once again caught Ayattil in the face, and the muffin shot across the room, landing beside the bed.

((Why must the Humans insist on creating such inefficient casings for their food?)) I grumbled, and then ordered Ayattil to stop moaning about his face and fetch the muffin. He brought it back, and I held the bread-based product in my hand.

There was still a small piece of wrapping around the base. I pulled it off and dropped it with the cellophane, leaving the muffin naked in my hands. Already I smelt it, and to my Human senses it was something utterly wonderful, inviting me in mercilessly to take a bite.

((Let's be fair about this.)) I said democratically. I used my hands to pull the muffin into three separate pieces. I handed the largest piece to Ardina, and the smallest to Ayattil, keeping a medium-sized piece for myself. ((Are we ready?))

((I'm past ready.)) Ardina said eagerly. ((My mouth is dripping with liquid. I believe that means I'm hungry.))

Ayattil nodded his approval, while simultaneously holding a black eye.

((On the count of two?)) I suggested, again to unanimous approval.

I lifted the sweet-scented bun to my face, just below my nostrils. My senses were bursting, urging me to devour the chocolate delicacy.

((Okay. Two.)) I started, my mouth remaining open after the words left, my tongue tingling pleadingly.

((One.)) I bared my blunt Human teeth.

((Zero.))

Room service had come and gone. The room was now littered with messy dishes and empty glasses, strewn haphazardly across each and every surface. The staff member who had brought us our order was suspiciously calm when we opened the door naked, and with chocolate muffin smeared all over our faces. Obviously, such a situation was not unusual in this hotel. He simply shook his head knowingly and left us our food while avoiding awkward stares at our naked bodies. "I suggest that you purchase some clothes for next time, especially if you are going to go out in public." He advised.

Without my own accurate ability to tell the time, I had to rely on my room's clock to make sure we didn't go too close to the two hour limit. However, after the quite frankly brutal muffin experience, wherein Ayattil received another punch to the face, I found it hard to control the excited Human instincts. It wanted to find more to eat (hence the room service), mate with Ardina and relieve its otherwise bored mind. It needed constant entertainment.

((We have half an hour left.)) I thought-spoke to my companions. We were all sat on the ground in a pile of food, gazing up motionlessly at the television screen. ((Should we change back?))

No one answered. Ardina was busying herself with an apple pie, and Ayattil was zoned out, eyes fixated on the television.

I nudged Ardina. ((Hello? Shouldn't we change back now?))

She stared up at me for a few seconds, and then raised a hand to her head. ((You're right. Sorry.))

((Sir,)) Came Ayattil's whiny voice. ((My stomach hurts…))

((How much did you spend on food?)) Ardina asked, followed by a grumble of her own at an aching gut.

((I don't know.)) I admitted. ((I was too distracted to really take note. I couldn't control this shameful Human body…)) I looked up again at the television screen and narrowed my eyes. ((What are we watching, anyway?))

((Two and a Half Men, sir.)) Ayattil informed.

I sighed. ((We _really_ need to get in control of these morphs…))

We morphed back with approximately twenty-six minutes to spare. A little shaken by the experience, we were glad to be back in our own bodies. We cleaned up the room, and all the while we discussed our new and frankly dangerous ability.

We had tasted food for the first time, and it had, to be perfectly honest, driven us to near-insanity. Any sense of dignity or pride went out of the window, and we realised that if we were to walk the city streets in our new morphs, we would need to do a little more practise before we ended up causing havoc.

But oh how I wanted to eat that muffin again.

Once we had cleaned up (or Ayattil had cleaned everything away and I had changed the television channel) I discussed plans with Ardina. With a week before our respective jobs began, we had plenty of time to explore the huge Human hive that was New York City, and we wanted to do it together. Places such as Central Park and the art museum were on our rather improvised agenda, but there was one thing that we were desperate to do together, something that now seemed infinitely more daunting and risky. Tomorrow, we were going to a Human feeding establishment. We were going to a restaurant.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

((The last couple of days have been interesting, to say the least. The three of us have morphed to Human on no less than four occasions, and though we tell ourselves that it is strictly for training purposes, food always seems to get involved. Thankfully, we are now better able to control our need for taste, and additionally, we have also improved when it comes to balancing on two legs and using our mouths to speak. I doubt that we could walk the streets and seem entirely Human, but with a little more practise, I reckon we will be able to fit in without being blatant tourists. Tonight will be the biggest test of our progress yet. So far, we have only experimented with our Human forms within the confines of the hotel, but in a few minutes, both I and Ardina will be heading to the Green Hill restaurant by Washington Square Park to indulge in Human foods deemed finer and more sophisticated than chocolate muffins and meat feast pizzas. We are worried that this means that the food will be even more delicious than that which we have tried so far, yet we are certain that we can overcome any urges that may arise. We are to behave like normal, civilised Humans, and we are determined not to embarrass ourselves. May the stars bring us luck. End journal entry. Mark entry date 1st September 2006. Entry number five.))

((Are you done yet?)) Ardina asked. She was stood cross-armed behind me, looking a little impatient. ((The taxi should be here by now.))

((You have too much faith in these Humans, Ardina. They can never keep track of their own time. We have no need to rush.))

She huffed a laugh and uncrossed her arms. ((Suddenly you're an expert, huh?))

I put away my portable computer back into my utility belt. It was growing heavier each day. ((It does not take long to find patterns in such simple creatures.))

Ardina rolled her eyes. ((Come on, let's get going! I am becoming hungry, and no doubt my Human morph will be equally desperate for nourishment.))

((Okay then. Let's morph.))

Five minutes later, we were stood waiting in the hotel main hall in our respective Human morphs. We had since ordered ourselves artificial skin – clothes – because the Humans deemed it indecent to explore their world without them. We thought it wise to research Human clothing beforehand, and came to the conclusion that the correct clothing for a visit to a restaurant was formalwear.

I had spent an absurd amount of money on a black suit that was most restricting around the shoulder area. Not only that, but the lower half of the artificial skin – the trousers – only went down as far as my ankles. I was certain that they were a size too small, but it was no wonder with the ridiculous measuring system that the Humans employed. The suit came with additional, rather pointless features, including a pair of near-invisible cufflinks. I had specifically asked for the Andalite-shaped cufflinks, but I had instead been given ones in the shape of light bulbs. It also came with a deep red tie that I had no idea how to attach. Looking in reflections on the way to reception, it didn't quite look like those in promotional pictures.

Ardina had ordered something formal as well. However, it seemed extremely impractical with a large amount of white fabric dragging along on the ground behind her. Despite the lack of practically, it was a rather pleasant piece: White all over; sleeveless; and with a thin, translucent fabric draping down behind her head. She received a lot of attention from the Humans who passed us, who felt the need to congratulate her for reasons unknown.

"Your clothing is bringing you a lot of attention…" I muttered to her as we waited for our taxi. "Shun. Tention."

"Could you stop that? How are we supposed to pose as Humans when you keep repeating syllables? Bulls. Sillah bulls."

"You're doing it as well." I huffed irritably.

"I was making a point, Nicalor." She said, reaching up and playing with her lower lip. "Perhaps we should continue using thought speech while in the restaurant. Otherwise you'll be spitting food over me the entire night." ((And this was a really expensive piece of clothing.))

((It looks nice on you, though.))

((Thank you.)) She smiled with her Human mouth, then, using it, "Yours is quite nice, too."

We were fortunate to have Larry taxiing us to the restaurant. He strolled in through the hotel entrance and approached me for a handshake. I accepted it with a sincere Human smile. "Hello again, Larry."

"I see you got a Human body." He observed, looking over my suit and then over Ardina. "And… a wife?"

"A wife? Oh, no! No, this is Ardina-Eskallon-Taryal." I informed, turning so that the two could come face to face. "Ardina, this is Larry. He escorted me to the Information centre the other day."

"Nice to meet you, Larry. Meechu." Ardina greeted.

Larry held a look of bemusement on his face, encapsulated by Ardina's white gown. "You, uh... going for a special occasion tonight?"

"No." She replied. "We are just going for a meal to get a better insight of the Human lifestyle."

"Uh huh…" He nodded. "Green Hill, yeah?" He asked, eyes turning to me.

"Yes, just as you recommended." I smiled.

Larry shook his head and tutted, though with an amused grin, before reaching up and pointing to my tie, which was loosely fastened around my neck. "You want some help with that?"

"No, thank you." I replied, a little too proud to be shown how to tie a simple knot by a Human.

The stumpy Human shrugged. "Well, we better get moving. You booked for eight-thirty, right?"

"Correct." Ardina uttered, pulling up her excess gown so that she wouldn't trip over it.

The taxi journey was short in distance, long on time, but Larry was good enough company to keep us from losing our temper. He pointed out various landmarks to us while we were stuck in the walls of traffic, advising us about places where we could take our next visit and places that we should avoid. Ardina was quick to warm to his pleasant company, though he still tutted and shook his head whenever he looked over at her gown through the windscreen mirror. Somehow, we got the strange feeling that Ardina had chosen the wrong type of clothing to wear on this occasion.

"We're here!" He called as we came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk. From the window, using my single pair of eyes, I could see up and down the busy evening streets. A few feet from where our cab had pulled up sat a doorway, engulfed by a wall and a few descending steps. To the right of the doorway were some bright golden letters reading "Green Hill", illuminated by a single lamp and accompanied below by some decorative flora. It was pleasing to the eye, but not too exaggerated like other dining areas that we had passed were.

Larry stepped out from the cab and walked around to open our doors. We may have been in Human morph, but we still had to sit in the space adapted for Andalites. We unstrapped ourselves from the two belted seats that had been lowered for us, and Larry gently helped Ardina out, chuckling to himself.

"You look beautiful, Ardina." He muttered in one of those complex ambiguous Human tones that, to be honest, could have been anything between sincerity and mocking.

"Thank you, Larry." She replied, stepping down daintily from the taxi and not quite picking up on his subtle mockery.

"How much is the fare?" I asked him, pulling a small fabric container from a pocket in my trousers.

"Eight dollars, thirty cents."

I handed him ten dollars from the fabric container. The extra was something that the Human's called a tip. It involves giving the recipient more money than is required. It made no sense whatsoever, but I did it anyway. I was here to experience being a Human, so I may as well act like one, no matter how peculiar the culture.

We thanked Larry for the transportation and made our way clumsily over to the doorway. To the left, encased in a black metal frame, were a couple sheets of paper covered in barely readable writing. At the top, it read "Menu".

"Ah! So this must be where we order our food. Ood." I concluded, narrowing my eyes and putting my face closer to the board.

Ardina joined me. "Starters? Entrees? Desserts? They don't like keeping things simple, do they? Which one is for us?"

"This is our first time." I groaned at her lack of observation. "So we have to go for starters. The Humans have obviously predicted that Andalites would be dining in Human form for the first time in here. They must be meals that go easy on the Human tongue."

She nodded, then turned to me. "Do we wait out here to be tended to?"

"I don't know…" I finished reading the menu and descended the steps to the door. The door itself consisted of a thick frame, but the entire centre was made of glass. Peeking inside, I saw tables and chairs, some of which were taken up by formally dressed, chattering Humans. "There is a large numbers of Humans inside. Side. Seyyyyd… They do not look like staff."

Ardina followed me down, still holding up her troublesome gown. "Then we should go in." Without hesitation, she pushed on the door and easily made her way inside. A few heads turned in the dining area, but they remained only briefly. Even in her outlandish costume, the people in this restaurant seemed more content with their conversations and their food. I moved inside after Ardina, letting the door close itself behind me.

There was a Human stood by a small counter on the way into the main dining area, wearing a suit much like mine, but lacking the tie. The male Human with short, neat black hair gave a slight bow and smiled to us courteously. We passed by a few potted plants and stood before him.

"Good evening," The male greeted, politely avoiding awkward glances at Ardina's conclusively out-of-place gown. "Welcome to Green Hill."

"Thank you." I returned. We attempted to make our way past, but with a subtle wave the Human called us back.

He smiled warmly. "Excuse me, sir, ma'am. Is it a table for two?"

"Table for…" I started, unused to the restaurant etiquette. "Oh, yes! Yes, a table for the two of us, please."

"Right this way, please." He picked up two thin books from the small horizontal counter before him and walked ahead into the dining area, gesturing for us to follow.

The Human staff member led us through the small restaurant and to the far end. Our designated table was suited for two, and sat against the far wall, slightly further away from the busier areas of the establishment. I got the distinct feeling that our Human forms alone were not enough to hide our true identities as Andalites. He pulled up our seats for us, and once we were sat comfortably (Ardina had to do a lot of shuffling of her excessive dress) he handed us both one of the tall red booklets. Inside, we discovered almost exact copies of the menus held within the board outside the entrance.

"These again…" Ardina muttered as the Human staff member dismissed himself. "So was there really much point to the menus outside?"

I shrugged it off and gazed at the appetizers section of the menu. It all looked so foreign, not a single blade of grass listed. Nor were there muffins or pizzas, but we expected that. I placed a chunky Human finger to the menu to help me read further down the page without getting lost whenever my brain would be all-too-easily distracted.

"This is all so overwhelming." Ardina commented. "Elming. Ming. Guh…" She added quietly, playing with the mouth sounds. "How do we know what to pick?"

I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips, a Human expression that came instinctively. "Well, I suppose we go for something that is mid-price and doesn't sound utterly revolting."

Before we could begin to even suggest preferred dishes, the staff member returned with another booklet. "Would you care to look at the wine list?" He asked with a grin.

"Wine?" I asked, ignorant on what precisely wine was. However, I wasn't ready for a lecture in the middle of this cramped restaurant. "Yes, of course." And with that, he handed it to me. "Thank you."

I expected him to move on again, but he remained in place, looking down at me expectantly. He wanted an answer.

The "wine list", as it was titled, was not as long as the food menu, but it was a whole lot more complicated. Nothing really actually meant anything. It was all gibberish, so instead of looking for names or flavours, I turned to the pricings on the right-hand side. In the end, I ordered something mid-lower range.

The Human left briefly, but once again returned, much to my infuriation. However, he had brought with him the wine that I had ordered, and poured a small amount in a strangely tree-shaped glass, encouraging me to taste it. I did.

Wine, as I discovered, is a fascinating concoction, full of flavour to the point where it made me cringe on the first few sips. After finishing the tasting process, I ordered more and he poured out full glasses for the two of us, leaving the bottle on the table, flashing another smile and leaving us once more. We were left with our wine, and from the first sips, I could tell that Ardina was also caught by surprise.

((Well!)) Ardina chimed, resorting to thought-speech as she took another gulp. ((This is new, and not at all unpleasant!))

I nodded my agreement, taking another mouthful myself, engrossed by the intense flavour. By the time a new staff member had arrived to take our food orders, the bottle was nearly emptied.

Admittedly, I felt a little funny.

"Oh, food?! Okay then…" I opened up my food menu which I had since abandoned and scoured through the starters section. "Um… Did you want to order first, Ardina?"

She shook her head, zooming through her own menu. "No, you go ahead."

"Okay." I muttered. "I'll have the… Pate! The pate, please."

"Then I shall have the pate, too." Ardina said, taking the easy option by simply parroting my choice.

The smartly dressed staff member nodded and wrote the appropriate information down on a tiny notepad. "And for your main course?"

I narrowed my eyes at the Human, sensing an expectancy for us to order more than just our appetizers. "Main course?"

"Yes, sir," The female Human said. "Your main course."

I stared down at the main course section of the menu, one I had neglected to inspect previously. The list was even greater, and unfortunately even pricier.

Thankfully, the Human seemed to notice our struggling, and helped us out a little. "May I recommend the lobster? It is Chef's specialty."

"Yes!" I chirped, appreciative of the assistance and now looking up the dish on the menu. "I shall have the boiled lobster, please."

"The same for me, thank you." Ardina copied.

I took an inward breathe, adding up the prices in our head. Realising that our night was becoming rather pricey, I ordered the Human to cancel our pate order.

"And would you like some more wine?" The Human then asked, noticing the ravished bottle in the centre of the table.

I smiled brightly, pulling up the sides of my lips. "Oh, yes, please."

The female took the bottle and soon returned with a new one, this time leaving us for a considerably longer period of time while our food was being prepared. Sitting over our delicious fruity beverages, Ardina and I cheerfully discussed our first days on the extraordinary planet, the agreeable ambience of the restaurant for the while conquering the slight hint of claustrophobia that the cramped space brought. The wine seemed to help as well.

((Is there much crime in this city?)) Ardina asked with another sip of wine. We had since resorted to thought-speech, finding it easier to handle than our clumsy Human tongues.

((Plenty of Human crime, yes.)) I murmured. ((My superior tells me that Andalite crimes are few and far between. I'm basically here to uphold an appearance of vigilance, since our tourists here aren't really under the Human's jurisdiction and can only be _truly_ prosecuted by us.))

She huffed laughter from her Human mouth. ((So you expect a pretty cosy job. I envy you.))

((Have you met with your superiors?)) I asked her, poising the wine glass over my bottom lip.

((Yes,)) She said. ((I met with my colleagues this morning. I am very excited about the research I'll be undergoing.))

((Oh? What kind of research is it?))

Ardina put her wine glass on the table and leaned back into her seat with a smile just noticeable on her cheeks. ((My colleagues have spent the last two years studying the Human tongue. They have borrowed a huge number of articles from Human science journals relating to its functions, like how it uses specific features on its surface to register the chemicals and particles of food. They've been trying to uncover the mysteries of taste. I'm just here to help with the extra research and experiments. You see, there's something…)) She hesitated, that smile on her face now a full grin. ((Oh, never mind. I don't want to raise anyone's hopes just yet.))

I laughed, but not so loud as to disturb the new customers as the restaurant grew busier. ((You can't leave me guessing like that. Come, tell me what it is.)) I urged.

((I will be helping with research that will lead to a whole new technological breakthrough. My colleagues plan to take the ability to taste, and implant it into our own people.))

I looked back with wide-eyed, intrigued shock. ((And how close are they to achieving their goal?))

((It's pretty much done.)) She said. ((But we need to make sure that it works, and that it is safe. That's where I come in. I simply put the technology through a number of tests to make sure it isn't in any way damaging.))

I huffed in a satisfactory way. ((So someday soon, we may be able to taste _without_ having to morph into these frustrating Human bodies?))

Ardina nodded, ((That is the case.))

((Will you promise to allow me try out the technology as soon as it is ready?))

((Of course, Nicalor, but I shall use it first.)) She replied with a wink.

I raised my wine glass into the air. ((Wonderful.)) Ardina giggled and raised her own glass so that they came into contact with a resonating clink, and we both took a celebratory gulp of the fine crimson liquid.

((Speaking of food…))

Another member of staff approached us, balancing two large plates in either hand. He stood beside the table and lowered the dishes down so that they sat between the stainless steel cutleries that lay before us. On the plates sat our dinner, two huge Earth invertebrates, motionless and bright red in colour. They were a fascinating shape, with long compartmented bodies, ending in a tiny head with big black eyes on a pair of flimsy stalks. Perhaps most notable were the two bulbous pincers, appearing deadly, though their formidability was questionable considering that the creatures had been neutralised by a species as pathetic as the Humans. They were impressive, nonetheless. My lobster was accompanied by a garnishing of some type of salad, not quite like the ones I had eaten in the hotel.

"Wow!" I gasped, reverting to my Human mouth to speak for the benefit of our host. "This looks…"

"Delicious." Ardina interrupted with a subtle glare, stopping me from saying something that may have been interpreted as offensive.

"Yes, delicious." I concurred, admiring the subdued beast before me.

The staff member, satisfied, said, "Enjoy your meal!" and left us to dine on our rather difficult dish.

I looked down at the lobster curiously, rubbing my fingers against the unnervingly Taxxon-like legs, then over the gruesome pincers. This process would take a lot of precise manoeuvring. ((I am beginning to think that we should have asked what the meal consisted of before we ordered.))

Ardina rolled her Human eyes and picked up the deceased creature with both hands, turning it, inspecting for a place to start. I watched with a look of ambivalence as she wrapped her bony teeth around the lobster tail and bit down with a brutal crunch. The look on her face explained both a relief of taste and an aching pain.

"Ugh…" She choked, dropping the lobster back down on the plate, a few loose bits of tail dripping down her chin. ((Crunchy.))

((How does it taste?)) I questioned eagerly.

((It tastes… fantastic!)) She hummed, lifting up the lobster again and continuing to devour the tail.

I rustled my fingers with my own lobster and hoisted the heavy thing into the air. I was particularly interested in the Taxxon-esque legs, and though the Taxxons were a disgusting race, this lobster was more appetising than it was disturbing.

My teeth bit down on one of the spindly limbs with a satisfying cacophony of snaps and cracks. I yanked it clean away from the lobster body, setting it down and focusing my efforts on the single leg, holding with one hand to aid in chewing. The taste was enormous and overwhelming, my eyes fluttering a bit with the oncoming sensation. This was like nothing I had tasted before, and unlike the pizzas and muffins that I had previously experimented in, this was richer, somehow more satisfying.

I finished the leg and decided to delve into the rest of the monster. I retrieved it and bit into the tail, much as Ardina had done. However, the tail was a much greater challenge, and instead of biting clean through the shell I had to tug and pull with an inefficient amount of energy. The body part eventually came loose with a beautiful flood of taste, but I still had to attempt to chew the rough shell.

((Is this meal _meant_ to hurt?)) Ardina asked, rubbing at her gums once she had explored the tastes of various other parts of her meal. ((My gums are really rather sore.))

((I'm not sure, but it is worth it for the taste!)) I compromised, picking off the stalk eyes and nibbling on them as if they were cocktail sticks.

The meal took longer than initially expected, with us having to put extraordinary effort into devouring our dish. Ardina's issues with pain quickly became apparent to me, but the Human urge for taste and my inability to control it once it took hold meant that I would stop for nothing. Not even the tough shell of the pincers was a match for my determined Human brain. I would break bits open with hands, and stab at the hardest bits with the otherwise useless cutlery to get to the chewy innards.

By the end, barely anything was left other than a few stray pieces of shell and some of the less appealing garnish. The two of us were very full, very pleased Humans, hunger now satiated.

((What a wonderful meal…)) I uttered with a grin of my Human mouth.

((And the wine, too.)) Ardina chuckled childishly, indicated to our second emptied bottle. ((I don't know about you, but I felt just a little bit dizzy.))

I shook my head and laughed, my hands lazily playing with the cufflinks on my suit. ((Just a little! I'm not sure if it's the wine or the lobster.))

((I don't care. I just feel so… happy. This is the first time my Human mind has actually stopped worrying. It's finally content. I'm no longer so paranoid about the other Humans here constantly staring at my gown.))

We both uttered a genuine Human laugh, but my attention was cruelly distracted when I glanced down to my hands that were casually laid out on the table beside my dish. I noticed the glistening of my cufflinks. Light bulbs, how very-

Light bulbs? Light? Andalite!

((Ardina, what time is it?))

((I, oh…)) She stammered, pausing. ((Damn these Humans and their inability to keep track of time.))

I sat up in my seat, feeling a little more sober now, and gazed around the busy room for one of the primitive Earth clocks. One stood proudly on the wall to our far left, and when I saw the time I took a sigh of desperate relief.

((Twelve minutes to spare.)) I mentioned to Ardina. ((That is, if that clock isn't wrong.))

((A good time to visit the lavatories?)) She suggested, full well knowing the answer.

We had made plans for just such a situation. If we needed to morph and remorph, we would simply find a restroom stall and do it there, where we wouldn't put other customers off of their meals. The restrooms were at the other end of the restaurant, so we would have to pass through the other customers to get there.

This was especially difficult for Ardina.

We rose from our seats and brushed off any bits of loose food that had migrated to our clothing. Then, with me leading the way, we walked back towards the entrance end of the restaurant.

Suddenly, there was a great audible tear, and a squeak from Ardina. I looked passed her to see a great chunk of her white dress lying torn on the carpeted floor. Ardina turned back to see it, and I got an all-too-revealing look of her undergarments.

A customer who was sat at the table next to us had shifted their seat, leaving one chair leg on the dress, pinning it to the ground. The entire gown had been torn at Ardina's waist line.

Needless to say, we rushed to the restrooms faster than we ever would under the threat of some pesky two hour time limit. Afterwards, once we had demorphed and remorphed, we hurriedly paid the bill for our food and left behind a handsome tip. Larry laughed heartily when he arrived to escort us back home.

Nevertheless, despite the incredible embarrassment, Ardina was still in a good enough mood to stay in my hotel room that night for more than just dessert.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

((The last week has been wonderful! It has really put me in high spirits before my work placement begins later today. Both I and Ardina, and sometimes Ayattil, have been busy exploring the vast and colourful Human city of New York, and there is far too much to report in just this little journal entry. However, there have been some highlights that I wish to make notes of, places that I wish to store in my memory. In particular, some of the more famous landmarks, like the Statue of Liberty and the Guggenheim Museum have been rather impressive, at least by Human standards, and we even got to learn a little history behind them. However, by far my favourite location was Central Park. There was plenty of open space to explore, and we weren't hindered by walls or the busy roads, and even though most of the time was spent in our irritating Human morphs, that wasn't going to distract us enough to stop enjoying ourselves. And it meant that we could eat with mouths again. We had burgers, fries, salads, and cotton candy. The cotton candy was messy, and though the taste was superb, it sent me slightly mad, and I still haven't been able to remove the wretched stuff from my _casual _clothes. About halfway through our trip in Central Park, we stumbled across what appeared to be a statue of a lean Human male, with clothes, hat and skin all the same shade of gold. We _assumed_ it was a sculpture of incredible detail, and even inspected it up close for a while. At one point, I moved my face close to its own, and to my utter shock it awoke and smiled down at me. I was so startled that I tumbled back on my clumsy two legs and onto my backside. It was terribly embarrassing, but it became apparent that this mute Human was some kind of entertainer, and a decent one at that. We tried to exchange pleasantries, but this Human appeared completely unable to speak. That was yesterday, a fine climax to a remarkable week. Now I must prepare for my placement, and I shall travel to the New York City Police Department building, East 67th Street, to perform my duties. Drehun will be there for my first day to introduce me to my fellow staff and get me acquainted to my room and equipment, and then I assume that I will spend the day bored stiff, waiting for some desperate Andalite to steal a bagel. Somehow, I don't feel like I will be particularly busy. End journal entry. Mark entry date 6th September 2006. Entry number six.))

When I had packed my utility belt with my small essentials and spent a few minutes eating in the Andalite feeding hall, I called upon Ayattil in his room. There we morphed and put on clothes suggested to us by our higher-ups, enjoyed a small ham sandwich and a hot drink that the Humans called coffee, before we made our way out onto the city streets at about ten o'clock in the morning.

Since our first ventures out into the great Human landscape in our morphs, we had learned a few lessons about Human mannerisms and demeanour. We were better able to converse with real Human beings, walk steadily and comfortably on our two flat feet, and control our hunger so that the mere sight of food did not send us into hysterics. We even learned how best to dress in certain situations (though I still could not properly knot a tie), and today, for my work clothes, I wore a grey suit with a white shirt and deep red tie. I carried my utility belt under the shirt which left an ugly square bulge just above the tight-fitting strap that held my trousers up, but another thing we had learnt to do was shop like the Humans, and I would soon invest in something a little more suitable for carrying around my equipment while in Human morph.

Ayattil was equally smartly dressed, though compared to my more upright and proud physique, he stumbled along behind like a nervous rodent scurrying for scraps, slightly hunched and with messier, unkempt hair. His suit was similar, but he wore a dark blue tie, which was even more loosely fastened than mine.

The streets were busy, and we had to wind our way through dense crowds and static traffic. We passed great skyscrapers that leapt up sturdily from the ground, passed loud street performers on corners and beggars who pleading for loose change. The city was vibrant at this time of day with those heading to work, to start a new day in the place I was quickly beginning to call home.

I barged my way past a particularly slow couple as we approached the street where my building would be found. "Excuse me," I snapped with my Human mouth, "Some of us have places to get to, so would you mind stepping to one side or at least growing some pace in those chunky legs of yours?"

"Hey!" the male of the couple shouted as I and Ayattil pushed our way in front. He followed that with a trail of Human expletives, but we were too far gone before he could finish.

"You see, Ayattil," I murmured to him as he stumbled to my side. "These Humans aren't as difficult as they may first appear. You just have to be assertive."

"Yes, sir." He agreed. "You've really mastered being Human, sir."

I laughed to myself and glanced down to him. "Of course, Ayattil." I barged another pedestrian out of our way with a hefty shoulder. "To borrow a rather adroit Human expression, it is as easy as pie!"

"I could sure do with some pie right now, sir!"

My Human stomach rumbled its agreement, despite only recently having eaten. Fortunately, the Humans were clever when it came to quick and easy nourishment, and street corners were often graced by food stands where one could purchase delicacies such as burgers or ice cream without having to wait half an hour for the privilege.

While in search of one of these wonderful food stands, we passed by yet another Human playing a guitar on the street, a hat laid before his crossed legs that contained a small amount of loose change. He was playing something upbeat and quite complicated.

"Look, sir, another one!" Ayattil announced to the entire street, pointing down to the performer.

I rolled my eyes, and in the process of doing so spotted what I had been looking for. A burger stand was placed conveniently on the street corner, the strong aroma of grease and meat soon following and pulling on my nostrils.

"Come, Ayattil," I said to him. "We have located food."

"But sir! Could I stay and listen to this Human make music?" He begged stubbornly.

I groaned. "Fine. I shall order our food. Meet me by the stand when you finally grow bored."

Leaving Ayattil to fulfil whatever pleasure he needed fulfilling, I headed to the burger stand, decorated with a selection of American flags, the front of the stand draped with red and white striped cloth. The man in the burger stand, pudgy and bald but with a grand smile, wore matching clothing and held cooking equipment in one hand.

"Good morning, sir!" He chirped as I approached, silently announcing my intent to purchase some of his goods. "Care for a hotdog?"

"A _hot dog_?" I flummoxed. "I thought you were selling food."

The man laughed heartily. "Good one, sir."

I paused, doing my best to analyse the scenario. Eventually, I gave up. Looking over the stand, I noticed that instead of burgers or fries, the man was prepping long thin pieces of meat. Sausages.

"Ah! So you are selling sausages!" I concluded.

The vendor tended to the foodstuffs while he spoke, "Only the finest Hotdogs in NYC, sir!"

"The finest, huh." I uttered. I had since come to the realisation that Humans tended to over-exaggerate their products in order to sell it, and that their claims were often incorrect. Nevertheless, I was hungry, and I would have eaten a salad from a trash can if it came down to that.

"I shall have two of your large _hot dogs_." I said to the fat man in the apron.

"Certainly, sir. Any sauce on those?"

Sauce was a wonderful Human invention. Food was delicious enough on its own, but the species decided that it wasn't good enough, and they created various liquid substances that could be added to further increase the taste sensation. Ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, all wonderful ingredients for pretty much any meal. "All of them, please." I replied eagerly, twiddling my thick Human fingers.

The Human pulled up two separate, long buns from a plastic bag, took some cooking utensils and placed a large sausage in each. With expert craftsmanship, he coated the sausages and buns with all the different variations of sauce, being as generous as I would have pleased. The food was more sauce than main content, and that is just how I liked it.

"There you go, sir!" The vendor chirped, handing me the bun that was snuggled in pieces of white tissue. I handed him the correct amount of currency from the wallet hidden in my utility belt and walked over to the nearest wall to consume my delicious meal.

As ever, the food was scrumptious, mouth-watering, and a little messy. A few stray dabs of sauce had migrated to my tie, and no matter how much I rubbed at it with some Human saliva on my fingertips, most of it remained in ugly dark patches. I should have taken more caution, especially considering that I had to make a good impression on my first day.

All the while, as I finished the remnants of my second breakfast (or brunch, as the Humans sometimes call it) I listened to the distant music that Ayattil had stayed behind to admire. My attention to it was minimal, but just enough to notice that it had ceased quite abruptly. Moments later, Ayattil returned, scurrying past wandering Humans and clutching for the remaining hotdog that I had acquired for him.

"About time." I grumbled, handing him his food. "There, I got you food."

He inspected the bread and sausage product curiously. "Something is wrong with my burger, sir."

"It is not a burger. It is sausage meat from an Earth canine. They call them hot dogs."

"Hot dogs…" He uttered, lifting one end to his mouth and chomping down heavily upon it.

I tried to hurry him, crossing my arms and tapping my right foot impatiently on the ground. I sighed with my mouth repeatedly, making my eagerness heard. Ayattil, ever the clumsy oaf, had to remain still while eating so that he wouldn't trip and finding himself with a mustard-and-ketchup face mask, but thankfully he ate speedily, and politely used the tissue to remove stains from around his lips. It didn't help the lake that flowed down his clothing, however.

"That hotdog was four dollars." I informed him. "Do you wish to pass on the currency now or when we get to the office?"

Ayattil turned his ugly Human head up to me. "I can't, sir."

I stammered out a syllable, then hesitated and glared at him. "And may I ask why not?"

"I haven't got any money, sir." He droned.

"You have plenty of money!" I boomed. "You pretty much announced it to the entire hotel in the main hall before we left!"

"I don't have it anymore, sir." He informed, barely shifting from his monotonous, dim-witted tone.

I closed my eyes and clutched my fists, infuriated at his insolence. "Why?"

"I gave it to the man playing the music, sir!"

"How much?"

"All of it, sir!"

"All of it?! What about the rest of the money that the agency sent to you?"

"I took it all out with me, sir."

My index finger and thumb found their way to the bridge of my nose, and I rubbed it in disappointment, and soon a lack of interest. "So now you have absolutely no money for a whole Earth month." I summarised.

"No, sir. Not a dime."

My body loosened, not even the Human brain I currently inhabited caring much for his plight. "Well that serves you right. For the love of God, Ayattil, why couldn't you just give him a quarter like everyone else and save the rest for more important things? Brain cells, perhaps."

"He asked me for money, sir." He explained as if it were a plausible reason.

I could reply with nothing more than a groan.

"Should we go to the office now, sir?"

"Yes." I said with relief.

The NYPD building was a large, ugly slab of architecture that loomed over the street like some gargantuan dead tree. It seemed fitting, considering that the innards as we entered were just as grim and unattractive. Then again, the Humans weren't too fussy when it came to buildings that weren't necessarily built for comfort, so I didn't really expect anything better. There was a help desk as we pushed our way through the first floor, but no staff were present. Fortunately, Drehun had supplied me with enough details to aid me in finding our floor, which was somewhere near the top of the building. It had recently been renovated for the very purpose of dealing with Andalite crimes, and though it only occupied one floor, the ratio of Human to Andalite crimes in the city probably justified it.

Ayattil and I secured one of the primitive Human transporters, and we quickly found ourselves looking out from our metal cube onto the 12th floor of the building. Perhaps to our surprise, we suddenly felt greatly out of place in our mustard-stained Human uniforms when we were confronted by two of our people who wished to use the transporter once we had vacated it. We shuffled passed them and allowed them on.

"Do we need these Human morphs, sir?" Ayattil asked. "No one else seems to be in their Human morphs."

"I believe the need for the Human morphs was more for our security on the city streets, Ayattil. However, Drehun has advised us to bring the uniforms, so for now we will remain as we are."

"Where is he, sir?"

"He said he would meet us on this floor."

We made our way along the corridors that were slightly more adjusted to Andalite needs, passing more of our people and several Humans along the way. We couldn't tell whether they were real Humans or Andalites in morph like ourselves, but there was one obvious instance when we noticed a Human struggling to walk in the regular fashion, instead stumbling dangerously from side to side. That was probably how we appeared during our first few attempts in Human morph.

Eventually, we came to a stop outside of a small office, the door open enough for us to peek inside.

"Sir!" Ayattil alerted. "Your name is on the door!"

"Of course, Ayattil. This is my office."

On the glass pane of the door were small black letters. They read out my name, followed by the title _Criminal Investigator_. The rest of door was a hideously bland shade of green. Obviously, a Human had designed it.

A voice called out from behind, abrupt enough to spook me back to alertness. ((Nicalor!))

I turned in the direction of Drehun, who came trotting down the hallway as daintily as an Andalite his age could, tail lowered and curved around so as to avoid slicing Humans that passed by. "Ah! Good to see you, Drehun, sir."

He chuckled as he came to a halt before us. ((I was beginning to wonder whether you would decide to turn up at all today, Nicalor.))

I shuddered and almost turned away in embarrassment. "Am I late?! Damn these Human bodies, so unable to keep track of time, and-"

Drehun raised a hand to interrupt my excuse. ((You are not late. If you were, I would not be greeting you as I am now. I would simply get one of my Human assistants to fire you.))

I laughed, assuming it was a joke. The suggestive look on his face, however, corrected me.

((You are on time. Barely. There is no need for you to apologise.)) He assured. Then he turned his main eyes to Ayattil, keeping one on me and the other surveying our surroundings. ((This must be your assistant.))

"Yes, he is." I replied, almost grievingly. "Ayattil, this is Drehun-Tegganah-Harruth. He is in charge of New York's Andalite Policing and Criminal investigation agency. Drehun, this is my assistant, Ayattil-Redthun-Askill."

They bowed together in greeting, but they exchanged few words. Drehun seemed uninterested, while Ayattil just appeared lost, as usual.

The formalities were over. ((Shall we?)) Drehun said, indicating to my office door.

I nodded. "Please."

Drehun pushed the door open and led the way into the office, which was just a little more spacious than I expected. A desk sat to our right, a light mahogany look to it, and apart from the computer screen and a few desk ornaments, it was empty. There was no seat behind it, for obvious reasons, but one was stood away in a corner in case I was to work in my Human morph. Apart from the desk, the room was lacking in furnishings, bar a small bookcase at the opposite end of the room and some decorative flora beside it.

I wandered in past Drehun to admire the place I would be spending a considerable amount of time over the next couple of years. The flooring was much like that in our hotel: A sort of prosthetic grass-imitating substance that tasted of nothing but plastic, though its comfort was superior to the flooring back in my room. I had ample space to move around, swish my tail aimlessly if I saw it fit to do so.

The standout feature of the room, however, was the view from the double-pane window. As I looked out with my two Human eyes, I watched from a dizzying height at the steady traffic below, packs of Humans bustling on the sidewalks. I saw the hotdog stand off in the distance, though it was too far away to spot the portly man who had served me. I looked upwards at the buildings on the opposite side of the street, gazing at a wall of windows and feeling terribly intrusive when I noticed a Human male, undressed to his undergarments, cooking something in a pan.

I felt Drehun walk up behind me. ((I made sure to give you one of our more pristine offices.))

"This should do just fine." I said. "There is plenty of space."

Drehun smiled and bowed his head. ((Excellent. I'm glad you approve.)) Then he turned and moved over to the desk. ((I have supplied you with all the necessary files. You may be glad to know that things are comparatively quiet at the moment.))

I followed him over and stood behind the Human computer screen. It was on, displaying a luscious green collection of hills under a blanket blue sky. Small squares at the side of the screen indicated specific files.

((I trust you can operate these Human computers.)) Drehun said expectantly.

"Of course." I replied. "Like most of the crimes I've investigated, I'll have it solved in minutes."

Drehun rubbed his hands together. ((Good. Now, if you open up the file "Ongoing",)) He pointed to the file on the screen. ((You will find the cases that are currently in need of your investigation skills.))

I placed a chunky finger on the screen, tapping lightly on the file that he had indicated. Nothing happened.

Drehun huffed through his nose, and with a hand nudged a small rounded contraption in front of me.

"Yes…" I flustered. "I was just removing some dirt from the screen."

I proceeded to use the small contraption to move a small arrow over the screen, and opened up the "Ongoing" file. What occurred from it was a completely blank screen.

Drehun shuffled beside me. ((As I said, things are comparatively quiet at this moment in time.))

"Indeed." I uttered, not sure whether to feel uninspired or relieved. "So… is there nothing for me to do?"

((Well, there is something you could spend some time on. Go to the file "Sus3".))

I followed the order, closing the "Ongoing" file and clicking the file title "Sus3". After a short loading period, the file opened up in a programme that I was unfamiliar with. Within it was a list of folders, each with coded names and places.

"What is this?" I asked.

((This is a list that I and a few companions have drawn up. Each folder contains vast amounts of information on certain individuals we feel compelled to keep our eyes on.))

"Suspects?"

((Yes. Those who we believe may have committed a crime, those who we believe _may_ commit a crime, and those who we simply don't like.))

I nodded slowly and turned back towards the screen. Using the computer device, I opened up the first file on the list. What appeared then was a large picture on the right-hand side of the screen. An Andalite mug-shot.

Drehun seemed to shake at the appearance of the picture. ((Hamtirk-Farrol-Getchin. Convicted three times back on the homeworld for armed robbery, somehow granted a pass to Earth. We believe has been using his time here to smuggle stolen goods. A nasty individual.))

"So you want me to gather information on these suspects?" I asked him.

Drehun had one stalk eye facing me. ((Precisely. You will find the relevant information for each suspect in those data files. And, Nicalor?))

"Yes, sir?"

((Don't get caught spying on anyone. The Humans get so fussy about that.)) He huffed with a flick of his hand.

"Yes, sir, I have read about it."

Drehun seemed satisfied, and remembering that Ayattil was also present, turned his attention.

((You, assistant.)) He called to Ayattil, who was gazing from the office window. He jumped to attention. ((Tell me, how long have you been with Nicalor, here?))

"Five years, sir!" He responded with a smile.

((Good,)) Drehun mused. ((You must be a marvellous assistant to have been hired for so long.))

I quietly disagreed behind him.

Drehun continued, ((Some may say that being an assistant is an unimportant job. Nothing more than the runt who fetches the drinks and sorts the files. But an assistant is much more than that. An assistant is a loyal companion, resolute and dignified. Someone willing and able to carry the flag of our people, demand the respect that we deserve as a race. The base of the great pyramid that we call the Andalite race. Without you, Ayattil, it would all crumble to dust.))

An ill-deserved smug look spread over Ayattil's Human face.

((Now,)) Drehun continued. ((Go and make us some coffee.))

Ayattil drifted back in from his stupor, "Yes, sir!" And with his usual clumsy gait he buzzed from the room.

I laughed, finally grasping the point of the small speech. "You must have experience with assistants."

He swivelled his head to me. ((An assistant is much more efficient with high morale. You can't slap them around the head _all_ of the time, lest they become rebellious.)) He moved for the office door, but looked back to me before he exited. ((I shall return briefly in my Human form for coffee. Then I shall leave you to your work.))

"Thank you, sir." I said with a nod.

((And then I wish for you to demorph. Your clothes are filthy.))

"Will do, sir."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

In all my years of service to Andalite Criminal Investigation, in all those hours spent sorting through office files, researching incidents on computers and dusting down crimes scenes, in all those painful seconds fighting off the cruel torture of inactivity, I had never been as bored as I was during that first day of work on Earth. My shifts were a total length of ten Earth hours per day, and by six I found myself looking for absolutely anything that could possibly delay the boredom that I suffered, even if just for a few seconds at a time.

The first hour was spent drinking coffee with Drehun and meeting my Andalite and Human peers who worked on my office floor. The second hour or so was intended to be used to do some investigative work on recent criminal activities, but with essentially nothing going on, that was a wasted effort. So the time since then was spent waiting for any crimes to come through, while pacing my office like a canine waiting for its master to return. I felt the need to decorate my office in a way that would make it seem more homely, but that only occupied half an hour of my time.

It was approaching five o'clock in the afternoon, and having drunk a little too much coffee on my all-too-regular breaks, I was buzzing with energy, which didn't leave even when I returned to my own Andalite body. My Human clothing was perched on a hanger just beside my office door, and it was refreshing to finally be out of them. Even with my considerably larger body, the office was spacious enough for me to stand at my desk and freely move the extremities of my body.

I was not too impressed with the Human computer that I had been given. It was bulky and slow, primitive in every single way. I asked Drehun why we couldn't use Andalite computer systems, but apparently our computers are in no way compatible with the Human's, and compatibility was essential when it came to sharing data files.

So I was stuck with it. The ugly, lumpy screen gazed up at me, begging to be conveniently lost and replaced. I made it somewhat more bearable by personalising colour schemes and the desktop background, but even the pixelated sight of a meadow on our homeworld couldn't save the wretched contraption.

When I first arrived on the planet, I knew that my job would be somewhat tedious, but after a week in New York City I had some hope that maybe I would have jobs with which I could keep myself busy, what with the amount of crime I had heard is committed on a daily basis. But that crime is Human crime, not Andalite crime. The last crime committed by an Andalite in New York City was three weeks ago, which, in a city this size, is an extraordinarily small crime rate. It makes sense, considering that the New York Human population stretches over an unbelievable eight million in number, whereas the Andalite population covers a measly ten thousand. That, and Humans are a rather aggressive and unstable species, so it's no wonder the crime ratio is much higher.

There was still one small hope, however. Andalites committing crimes on Earth have one great advantage: A lot would have the ability to morph. That meant that an individual could obtain a random Human morph with incredible ease, and commit any crime within that morph. In the first few years after the Yeerk war, when Andalites were starting to visit Earth on a more regular basis, this became a great problem. Innocent Humans were getting thrown in penitentiaries for crimes that they didn't commit. It didn't take long for the Human officials to notice this, and they requested that our people enabled certain technologies that could rid them of the issue.

That's where I come in. My investigative prowess allows me to solve crimes committed when the suspect is in morph. They still leave small clues as to their real identity, and it is my job to find those small clues.

That is why I didn't feel like I had been demoted, having been moved from my office on the homeworld and now being located on a planet with such a minute crime rate. They needed me here for my expertise.

Jobs were to be sent to me when the criminals were identified as Andalites. This usually occurs when video footage shows a Human committing a crime, when the_ actual_ Human is able to prove that they were elsewhere at the time. That job is then sent to my office, where I begin my investigation.

My job folder on the Human computer was empty. I sighed, and thought about morphing to sip on some more delicious hot drinks. I was rudely halted with a loud knocking on my door.

((Who is it?)) I called drowsily.

((It's me, sir!))

With a disheartened groan, I invited him in. Ayattil made his way into my office with a folder under his arm. He didn't look quite so weary as perhaps I did, but he was better able to keep amused, what with the tasks I would send him on, and which he would get wrong every time without fail.

((I brought you the reports that you asked for, sir.)) He announced proudly, handing the folder to me over the desk. I took it while glaring impatiently down at him.

((You took your time.)) I noted.

((Did I?))

((Ayattil, in the time it has taken you to pick up one stack of reports, entire mountain ranges have shifted. Perhaps next time I send you out on a task, you could do it with a bit more speed.)) I pulled open the tatty old folder and pulled the reports from within. I looked down at them with my main eyes, but lifted my stalk eyes to him when I noticed something about the files. ((Ayattil, these are the reports for the vending machines.))

((You asked for the reports, sir.)) He attempted to excuse himself.

((I am a criminal investigator, Ayattil. I need reports on crime. I really couldn't care less if vending machine 4 is completely out of KitKat's or the M&M's dispenser in machine 16 has a slight squeak.)) I threw the useless folder down on the desk. ((Please, get it right next time!))

He stared blankly at me. I doubted much of what I said had processed. ((Okay, sir!))

I shook my head slowly in frustration and guided all my eyes away from him. ((Honestly, Ayattil, why did I hire you as my assistant?))

Ayattil began to respond, but I lifted a hand to stop him, not really wanting an answer to that particular question. Thankfully, or perhaps regretfully, he shifted the conversation.

((Anything interesting come up on the computer, sir?))

((I'm afraid not.)) I sighed, again placing myself in front of the computer and whisking around a few open windows. ((At least, nothing that I could actually do anything helpful for.))

Ayattil looked a little confused. ((Isn't that a good thing, sir?))

((In a way, yes, but for my sanity, no. I am totally, incomparably bored.))

Ayattil smiled. ((Remember what you always told me, sir? It's only a matter of time before crime rears its ugly head up!))

((Yes, Ayattil, but that was on our home world. We live in a city where most of the Andalite population consists of tourists. The rest are those like ourselves: Doctors, scientists, government workers. Anyone deemed unsuitable to travel freely to a foreign planet is stopped before they can get here.))

((So you're saying that there aren't any criminals around, sir?))

((I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is that crime is so much less frequent here that we'll be spending most of the time twiddling our thumbs and drinking rivers of coffee. It may be some time before we are required for an investigation.))

He nodded, looking a little disheartened. Ayattil may have been an incompetent assistant, but he was always eager to do his job. If it weren't for that, I would have fired him years ago.

((So what are you doing right now, sir?))

I sighed and again fiddled with the computer. ((I have been researching upcoming events in the city, to see if there is anything which could invite any sort of crime our people may be tempted to commit.))

((And did you find anything, sir?))

I shrugged my shoulders. ((Nothing too obvious. There are always large events being held in this city, but most of them are of little interest. However, there are a few major events coming within the next few months which we may have to keep our eyes on.))

((Like what, sir?)) Ayattil asked.

((Food festivals, mostly. Apart from those, we'll have to keep watch over some of the city's more anticipated events. There's a presidential visit this month. That's followed by a new exhibit opening in the Guggenheim and the visit of the Hork-Bajir governor for some big conference. There are a couple of celebrity weddings between all of that.))

Ayattil narrowed his main eyes, a little puzzled. ((Why are those ones that we should watch, sir?))

((Because, Ayattil, such events require one thing that our people are so desperate to have: Food. The bigger the event, the finer the food.))

((Oh! I see, sir!)) Judging from his expression, he quite clearly didn't.

((You see,)) I began, leaning against my desk. ((Human currency has absolutely no worth back on our home planet, so you will never see an Andalite stealing from a bank, or breaking into vehicles to sell them off. No, the only thing the Humans have that will be valuable to our people is their delicious food, and that is what the criminals will be after.)) I slumped and breathed heavily, lazily focusing a stalk eye on Ayattil. ((Now, I'm hungry. Perhaps we should explore this building a little more thoroughly.))

Ayattil approached the desk, and in a cheery tone said, ((No need, sir!)) From the utility belt wrapped around his torso he pulled up a large wad of KitKat bars and dropped them on in front of me.

((I am in the mood for something that will not send me bouncing off the walls with excess energy, Ayattil,)) I stated. ((But nevertheless, I am thankful for the service. Good job. You've staved off the sack for another day.)) With that, I began filling my desk drawer with the chocolate bars. Once I had packed it all away, I closed the draw and clasped my hands together. ((Shall we explore?))

With so little to do in my office, it was probably a wise decision to meet with those who I would be working alongside for the next couple of years, so I packed away some things and locked the office door behind us, before heading off to the staff lounge situated at the far end of our floor. Ayattil guided me there, and much to my surprise he got me there on first attempt.

The staff lounge was about as much as I expected. A coffee machine dominated one side of the room, steaming away as someone poured out fresh drinks. Below, lined against two opposing walls, were a few tatty old sofas, and between them was a small coffee table. To our immediate right, placed up against the wall, were two vending machines, one filled with snacks, and the other with bottled drinks. The walls were a hideous shade of yellow, and were decorated with no more than a couple of cracks where paint had been scraped off, and a couple of advertisements, one of which was a movie that appeared to document some fictional activities that took place during the Yeerk war. It starred Sylvester Stallone and Morgan Freeman.

As for the inhabitants of the lounge, there were three: The one who was pouring coffee and two others sat on one of the mangy sofas. They were all Humans, or Andalites in morph. Thankfully, I had planned ahead, and both I and Ayattil morphed Humans just before we left my office. It wouldn't really have mattered had we come in our own bodies, but I wanted to be able to taste while we explored the building.

"There's not many people here, sir!" Ayattil stated, making sure to re-elaborate specific syllables after speaking, still unaccustomed to the mouth apparatus.

"I noticed, Ayattil. It's no big surprise. Why don't you go and make some coffee." Then, I added, "And don't spill it everywhere this time."

"Yes sir." He chirped obediently, and went about following the order.

His temporary absence allowed me to pick out an appealing area in which to sit. There weren't many, but I chose a brown leather sofa huddled up against the vending machine. Without much to admire visually in the room, I gazed up into the great metal-glass containers and wondered which sugar-coated treat I would most like to devour.

But before I could search my artificial skin pockets for some loose change, my limited Human eyes noticed an Andalite swagger into the room, appearing from the opposite side of the vending machines. He was young, perhaps a little younger than myself, but his body was unnervingly well toned, his hooves and tail blade almost shimmering in the bright white lighting of the room. He strutted over to the centre of the room with unabashed confidence, and appeared to be speaking privately to one of the Humans present, a female with flowing blonde hair.

I don't know why I was drawn to them. It was probably an innate curiosity, seeing my people freely interacting with those of another race, something that still seemed so strange to this day. It was plain to see that this particular Human was not an Andalite in morph. For one thing, she wasn't busy eating or making unusual mouth sounds. She was in full control of the body.

Though she would have to speak using her mouth, unable to communicate privately via thought-speech, she made sure to keep her voice low. I couldn't make out what she was saying, which was quite irritating when I noticed one of the Andalite's stalk eyes rested upon me.

Thankfully, there was no need for me to confront him for the unwarranted staring, because he was quick to approach me first, with the blonde-haired female tagged to his side. I brought myself up to my unsteady legs which I had since learned to balance on quite safely.

((Hello,)) The Andalite greeted, a tone whose sincerity I couldn't quite decipher. ((You're new here, aren't you.))

"Yes," I spoke, at first using my Human tongue, then, transferring to thought-speech to announce my race, ((I am.))

The Andalite gave a knowing smile. ((Ah, of course. I can tell from the awkward stance that you are not a Human, as your morph may suggest.))

I was already beginning to dislike this male. His voice came with a superior sneer, a tone that made one cringe at the sheer level of arrogance portrayed. Nevertheless, I kept my early opinions to myself.

((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod.)) I informed them both, joint with a courteous bow.

The Andalite bowed himself. ((Neechun-Harrath-Neltei. Criminal investigator.))

Another criminal investigator? I searched my memory, and recalled something that Drehun had mentioned in passing, something about another CI that would also be present in the building. This must have been him.

Before I could explain my own position, Neechun spoke up. ((So you must be the new CI. You don't _look_ much like a criminal investigator…))

I used my Human face muscles to express a disapproving emotion. ((I'll have you know that I have been performing my duties for years.)) I spat defensively.

Neechun laughed haughtily. ((No need to get angry, Nicalor. I'm just a little curious as to why Drehun needed another one of us around.))

((It speaks clear volumes about your performance so far, obviously.)) I accused.

This conversation was going to well. I took a deep breath and tried to push aside the awkward first exchanges.

Neechun seemed unfazed, but still reeked of a deep superiority complex, the tip of his tail constantly turned upwards in a vain attempt to gain an air of authority.

((I believe, Nicalor,)) He began. ((That Drehun may have brought you here to deal with some of the more minor tasks around the city, while I keep watch over the important events over the next year. Why he wants us to _keep watch_ is unknown to me, but it saves us from the boredom that we would otherwise be subjected to.))

((You have already been given placements for these events?)) I asked, a little disappointed. I had planned to request such duties from Drehun myself.

((Of course!)) Neechun chimed. ((Having worked here for several years, Drehun trusts me with all the important tasks. I am to attend the presidential conference later this month, and will be escorting the Hork-Bajir governor when she eventually arrives.))

I glared angrily at him, my inner rage having quickly returned with his continuously dismal attitude. ((Just wait and see, Neechun. It won't be long before it is I performing such duties. I was brought to Earth for my expertise, not simply to perform mindless chores.))

Neechun's tail twitched, but now even he grew weary of the unpleasant conversation.

((Enough of this.)) He huffed. Then, he shuffled slightly to the side so that his Human companion could walk into full view. ((Anyway, Nicalor, I would like you to meet my personal assistant, Rebecca.))

"Good afternoon" The one called Rebecca politely offered, a smile over her pale Human face.

"Good afternoon to you as well, Rebecca." I replied using my Human mouth. Reverting back, I spoke privately to Neechun, ((You have a Human assistant?))

((Yes, I do.)) He responded. ((It was not my choice, but Drehun's. However, Rebecca here is much more reliable and agreeable than most Humans one would come across. A fine assistant.)) Though his main eyes remained focused on me, the stalk eyes examined the room. ((And what about your assistant, Nicalor?))

I hesitated. With my two Human eyes, I saw Ayattil still trying to get liquid from the coffee machine, embroiled in steam. ((Oh… my assistant? He's… off sick this week. In fact… he's dead.))

((My sincere apologies)) Neechun replied.

Much to my grievance, that was when Ayattil arrived. He stumbled over from Rebecca's left.

"I got your coffee, sir!" He announced. I noticed Neechun roll his eyes, a look of amusement on his face.

((Ayattil, go away.)) I said privately.

"But sir!" He replied, "I got your coff-"

Ayattil lost his footing and stumbled forward, hot coffee spilling over the side of the two mugs and onto his bare hands. He screamed and dropped the mugs, and they crashed down on the floor in a heated explosion. Hot coffee splashed all over my trouser legs and burned through the thin fibre, causing me to yelp in pain.

"Sorry, sir," Ayattil whimpered. "I dropped them."

I swear, at that moment I could have killed him. Instead, I shook my fists and blared out his name in anger. Neechun laughed cruelly. Rebecca remained politely silent.

((Dead, huh?)) Neechun mocked. ((_Brain_-dead, perhaps.))

I grunted out some inaudible syllables under my breath and wiped at my affected clothes. Ayattil was busy mopping up the remains of the coffee mugs.

((Come, Rebecca,)) Neechun said, turning back towards the centre of the room. ((I'm sure we can find more suitable entertainment elsewhere.))

I refrained from spitting verbal abuse at him, and instead sighed down to Ayattil, who had finished cleaning up what he had spilt. ((Well done, Ayattil, you made us look really professional there.))

((Thank you very much, sir!)) He responded, reverting to thought-speech.

((I was being sarcastic.))

((Oh.))

Embarrassed, in pain, and utterly infuriated, I wished to return to the office. ((Let's go, Ayattil. And bring something from the vending machine with you.))

I began to make my way out of the staff lounge, when the thought-speech of Neechun stopped me in my tracks. I turned to watch as he trotted along after me, a file clutched in his right hand.

((Nicalor,)) He started, still with a sneer in his voice. ((I suppose that, thus far, you have nothing much to work on.))

((No, I do not.)) I replied with scorn. ((Why?))

He reached forward, offering the file that he held, and I took it.

((Something that just came through. Just something small. I'm sure that it's not too big for you and your dead assistant to handle.)) He explained with a chuckle. Without explaining anything else, he returned to the centre of the room with a prideful swagger.

Ayattil had watched, and though he was still trying to operate a vending machine, he asked, ((What's that, sir?))

With chunky but useable Human fingers, I pulled open the folder and lifted from it a single pad of reports. The date was marked for today, so these had just come through to Neechun. I skimmed with interest through the text on the first page to decipher the message.

I smiled, and looked with my main eyes to Ayattil. ((This, Ayattil, is a report of criminal activity that has just occurred.))

((You mean that we finally have something to do, sir?))

((Exactly, Ayattil.))

He finished up placing loose change into the vending machine and pressed a few buttons. A candy bar fell with a clunk into the receiving bay below. Before Ayattil could reach in, I bent down and snatch the snack, tearing it open and biting deep into the gorgeous food.

((Get your stuff ready, Ayattil. We're going to the local bakery.))


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

There was one issue that we didn't really take into consideration when we started our first day of Earthly duties. The city of New York is vast and compressed, meaning that to get even just a short distance was long on time and short on tranquillity. The first crime scene that we were being called to was only a few blocks away, but with the streets as crowded as they were, we realised that perhaps we should have arranged quicker transport.

I'm not too sure of how Human criminal investigation works, precisely, but for us, we were to reach a crime scene as soon as possible, in case of any evidence going missing or being tampered with. It's never really that necessary, but it is often helpful, and it is a requirement that is strictly monitored. In order to get there quickly, we had to either wander the horrible veins of the city, dodging our way past street performers and businessmen, or spend yet more money hiring a cab to take us there. Where was Larry when we needed him?

Not only that, but we had to travel in our Human morphs, with stained, crumpled clothes that we simply could not put on correctly. Then again, we wouldn't be the worst-dressed Humans around.

((No, Ayattil.)) I said, halfway down 67th Street. ((I think we should walk. It may actually be quicker, what with the vast amounts of traffic at this time of day.))

((Do you know where the place is, sir?))

((Of course I know!)) I huffed impatiently. ((I made sure to double-check the location given on the reports, using the Human communication device known as the "Internet".))

((The Internet, sir?))

((Yes, the Internet. I wouldn't recommend it. For every useful piece of information it holds, there are about twenty million that will turn you hooves white and haunt you till the day you die.)) I shuddered. ((You know the name of the store that we are heading to?))

((Barry's Big Buns, isn't it, sir?))

((Yes. Never type that into a search engine, Ayattil.))

((But w-))

((Don't ask me why. Please.))

A lengthy silence followed as we marched our way down 67th street, barging past the slower Humans who were determined to take up as much walking space as possible, yapping to their equally infuriating fellows in great crowds that clogged up each and every route. Some Humans were especially large, and they took extra persuading to move their sorry forms. On the street corner, with the possibility of heading in four differing directions, we stopped to coordinate ourselves. Though I knew precisely where we were going, each direction looked near-enough identical, save for the large McDonalds dominating the street to our left, and a cluster of mountainous skyscraper's being the prominent fixtures of the street straight ahead.

Yes. I knew precisely where we were. I think…

((Are we lost, sir?)) Ayattil whined at my side, as irritating as I had come to expect.

((I am not lost, Ayattil! How many times must I tell you?))

He blinked, gazing dopily up at me. ((So where do we go then, sir?))

((_You'll _be going to the hospital in a minute, if you're not quiet.)) I grunted, glancing around for any clues as to where we should head. The map I had briefly skimmed over on the Internet seemed helpful at first glance, but I failed to realise one thing: Most of the streets were built, structured, and made to look exactly the same but for the individual retailers, and they were just clusters of bright, unappealing colours that were of no help at all.

((I think we may need to ask for directions, Ayattil.)) I admitted, feeling ashamed of myself. ((Look for a trustworthy Human. Like that one over there.))

Ayattil followed my stare. ((The large one, sir? The one with the shaven head and the tattoos?))

((Yes, he looks like a trustworthy citizen.))

We approached the male Human. He had his back turned to us, holding a burger in one hand and visually accompanying the words he was speaking with another. He was talking to another couple of Humans, who were also tattooed and equally large in both height and width. He wore a small and ineffectual piece of artificial skin over his upper body, white and without sleeves that are meant to keep one's arms warm.

I tapped the male on the shoulder, and he turned with a grizzled, roughened face that portrayed a life of hardship and, dare I say, a few fist-fights.

Nevertheless, I put on my most Human tone and said, "Hello, my good friend! May I ask for your name?" I attempted to keep the conversation as polite as possible. I didn't know this Human, and I had been told of how unstable some could be.

"Barry." The large man grunted in a gravelly, deep voice. "Why?"

My eyes widened, taken completely by surprise that we had been fortunate enough to find Barry himself. He didn't quite give the appearance of a local store owner, though. Even by Human standards, he looked a bit dim.

Ayattil was by my side, and he seemed just as stunned.

"We're looking for your big buns, Barry!" He said to the Human. "Could you show us where they are?"

Barry's face contorted to a deep, angry glare. He curled his meaty hand into a fist and clobbered Ayattil in the hard in the face. Ayattil collapsed to the ground, moaning.

"Get up, Ayattil," I grumbled with a roll of my Human eyes. "This is no time for lying around."

My attention was quickly drawn back to Barry, whose fist was ready to be launched again, this time in my direction.

"I think you misunderstand, Barry." I said, raising my hands in a motion of peace. "We are looking for your big buns. Could you show us where to find them?"

I flinched when I noticed Barry prepare to strike again, but sighed in great relief when one of his fellow Humans, the one wearing a rather pointless and ineffective round hat on his head, put a hand over Barry's shoulder.

"Barry, man, chill."

Whatever _chill_ meant (I was certain that the second Human didn't want Barry to become particularly cold), it thankfully stopped Barry in his tracks, though his bitter stare remained focused on me.

The second Human continued, explaining, "I think they're looking for Barry's Big Buns. You know, that place next to KFC."

Barry's fist lowered, and I silently thanked his friend for coming to my rescue.

"Precisely!" I exclaimed, "We are looking for Barry's Big Buns."

The friendlier Human stood before Barry and raised a chunky finger, pointing northwards. "Just keep going that way, man, you can't miss it."

"Thank you very much." I offered with a bow that was probably more Andalite than Human.

I turned and almost stumbled over Ayattil's crumpled form, still moaning and clutching at his jaw.

"Will you stop messing around, Ayattil?! Come on, I know where we need to go now."

It didn't take us particularly long to find what we were looking for. We headed northwards and stayed on that street, passing by the usual hordes of Humans and convenience stores, taking short breaks to admire food being prepared wherever we could and sampling some wonderfully fragrant sugared bread products called donuts when their unavoidable scent tugged at our dull but accurate Human noses. About a mile along, as we came to yet another crossroads bustling with the usual activity, the dominating KFC logo infiltrated our field of vision, and, sure enough, as the large Humans had recalled, opposite that KFC stood a considerably less intrusive logo, accompanied by a golden-brown bun, displaying "Barry's Big Buns".

We came to the door of the small building, clutching in our hands red boxes full of fried chicken bits. The sign on the door said that it was closed, but with a loud knock we were almost immediately greeted by a Human police officer in the distinctive deep dark blue uniform and hat.

"I'm sorry, sirs," The officer grumbled, seemingly annoyed at our presence. "But this shop is closed. Sorry for the inconvenience."

He began to close the door, but I stopped him with a blurted syllable. He watched me, eyes narrowed as I readjusted my KFC box under my left arm, and with my right hand searched the pocket of my lower artificial skin. From it, I pulled out an identity badge.

"Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, criminal investigator." I mumbled through a mouthful of chicken. Ayattil said nothing, but provided the officer with a small wave of his hand. The police officer nodded, accepting our presence by opening the door and allowing us to step inside.

The establishment looked like any ordinary small food outlet. At the front lay the main counter, where the trade of currencies and goods were carried out. A man stood behind it, displaying a huge moustache and dressed in white, an apron draped over his front. He looked panicked, bemused. Around him, before the counter, were three police officers, soon joined by the one who had allowed us in, and they all appeared disinterested, hands tightly locked into their pockets, dull eyes exploring the room.

The room itself was much more pleasing to observe. The walls were brightly, sweetly decorated, like a grand horizon over the bastions of wooden shelves, home to all sorts of delightful delicacies. The scentless smell of sugar and icing engulfed me, pulled me in like a seductress, a work of art. Buns, baguettes, bagels, baked to perfection for denizen's fortunate enough to marvel at their splendour, like myself. Their delicate appearance, a cruel temptation that flirted and sung without motion…

((Sir?))

((Yes, Ayattil?))

((Why are you caressing that chocolate cake?))

I momentarily paused my stream of thought to realise that I was, in fact, rubbing my two hands over a large, two-story chocolate cake that sat on a glorified table in the centre of the shop. Now all of the Humans inside had moved their focus onto me.

"Investigative process." I excused. "I do apologise, but I like to be thorough." I licked my fingers, which were now coated in gorgeous chocolate icing.

The man with a moustache, who I assumed to be the owner of the establishment, was the first to speak up after an intermittent awkward silence.

"Excuse me," He said, brandishing a peculiar accent that I couldn't quite place, "Who are you?"

I retook my badge and lifted it for all of the Humans to gaze upon. "Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, Andalite CI."

"It's about time you got here!" The shopkeeper snapped, waving a baguette in my direction. "Barry, he will go crazy!"

"You are not Barry?" I asked calmly, stepping up to the counter that looked much emptier than one would imagine.

"My name is Vincenzo Giordano, and I am very upset!" He yelled, moustache twitching on his flapping Human lips.

"There is no need to be upset, Mr Giordano," I said, raising my hand in an attempt to calm him. "We are here to deal with this now. I will have to ask you some questions."

I exchanged implicative stares with the Human officers around me, who took the hint and withdrew from the building, leaving just the three of us inside.

"Okay, Mr Giordano, if you could please just-"

"They took them!" Vincenzo interrupted with a heart-wrenching cry. "They took them all! So many… So many, and they were so beautiful! So many hours, too! So hard to make!" He clawed at his hair and gritted his teeth audibly. "Barry will be very upset. He fire me. No more job for Vincenzo! No more-"

"Mr Giordano!" I hushed, growing impatient with his meaningless whining. "This is not helping."

His emotion switched, and he grew angry, waving the baguette violently in the air. "You! It is you Andalites! This third time! Always come to steal Vincenzo's little bready children! Cazzo di alieni!"

"Could we please keep this to one language?" I requested.

"Fuck you!"

"Good." I pulled my utility belt from under my suit, and from it took a small notebook and a pen, opening the notebook and scribbling down the date and time, ready to take his answers. "Could you tell me when the incident occured?"

Thankfully, Vincenzo had calmed enough now to put a hand to his head, thinking, recalling what he knew. "They come here. They come about four hours ago."

"Good, we're making progress." I slurred under my breath, writing down the approximate time. "Now, how many were there?"

"Three. But there were more."

"Three, but more?"

"They have a car, yes? They come here, take all Vincenzo's beautiful children, then leave and jump into a car!"

"Did you see how many were in the car?"

"No. The windows, they were tinted."

"Okay," I sighed, scribbling the details down messily into the notebook. "Could you describe the events in detail for me?"

Vincenzo was calm enough to firstly not threaten me with a baguette, and secondly to lucidly translate what had occurred, though he still squeezed the crumpled baguette apprehensively in his hands. "Everything start normal, you know? I come into shop, sell to the customers, leave counter duty to other staff while I make beautiful Vincenzo children in back room, and-"

"How many staff were here at the time?" I interrupted, sensing the information to be important.

"Just me and Mr Robson. He is Barry's nephew."

"And where is he now?"

"I send him home. He is so traumatised." He said, echoing the statement with exaggerated hand gestures. "They point gun to his head."

"Did they all have guns?" I asked, my eyes focused on my etching hand.

"I did not see, but they call me out of backroom, tell me to put up my hands. Then they tell me to fill a bag with all of my freshly made fairy cakes! How Vincenzo fill bag with hands in the air?! How is it possible?!"

I sensed that he was getting agitated again, and raised a hand to slow him down. "So three men came in, at least one with a gun, and he asked for…?"

"Fairy cakes. Vincenzo's beautiful children!"

"Just the fairy cakes?"

He thought for a brief moment. "They take a napkin, too."

"I see…"

Vincenzo, having finally remained clear-headed enough to reveal this information, was quickly growing twitchy again. "You Andalites! Why don't you steal from a bank like normal people!"

"Please, Vincenzo," I said, closing my eyes and trying to remain patient with him. "Could we please keep on track with the questions? This is very important, and we are going to get nowhere if you-"

"Don't patronise me!" He growled. "You Andalites always steal Vincenzo's children!"

I noticed my writing becoming more and more jagged as my patience began to run dry. "Do not make such generalisations of my people! Do you see _me_ stealing your food?"

"No," Vincenzo agreed with narrow eyes. "But your assistant is!"

"My assistant?" Without my stalk eyes, I had to swivel my whole body around to look for Ayattil. He was stood by the cupcake stand, his artificial hooves stamping on several loose pieces of paper that the cakes were originally held in, and icing was decorating the area immediately around his lips.

I turned back to Vincenzo. "He is searching for evidence. Don't mind him."

Vincenzo shuffled irritably on his sturdy legs, holding his baguette so tightly that I feared it would snap in half. "You will find the ones responsible, yes?"

"If I can ask my questions, I don't see why I can't." I huffed, then, clearing my throat, I continued, "Did you get a good look at them? Could you describe any in particular?"

"They all wear black." Vincenzo informed. "And they wear the, uh, how you say…?" He imitated pulling something over his head with both hands. "I only see eyes."

"Okay. And did they say anything specifically to you?"

He paused to think. "Put all the fairy cakes in the bag. That's what he said."

"Anything else?"

"No."

Ayattil's voice spoke up from beside me, making me jump and almost lose balance. "They must have been using thought-speech, sir!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration at his interruption. "Your tedious insistence of pointing out every obvious bit of information is not necessary right now, Ayattil."

"But sir!" He chirped, lifting a small cupcake in front of my face. "I found evidence, sir!"

I took the cupcake that he had pushed before me, and in tough yet delicate Human fingers, I inspected it. There was a definite indentation in the icing, a thick scoop taken from its surface by a Human finger.

"Ah! Well done, Ayattil. Quickly, place it in a tub, we'll take it to the labs later." I said delightedly, handing the damaged delicacy back to Ayattil, taking care not to disturb or touch the icing.

"Taking another one of my cupcakes?!" Vincenzo whined petulantly through his teeth.

"There is a large finger mark on its surface. We can use it to find our miscreants."

"Fingerprints?" He asked incredulously.

"Not quite. Andalite technology. You wouldn't understand." I smiled inwardly, and as I looked upwards, I noticed something small and shiny lodged in the corner of the ceiling. I turned my eyes back down to Vincenzo once he was finished glaring at me hatefully. "CCTV?"

"We have CCTV, yes."

"I would like to see it. Do you have the appropriate facilities?" I asked.

Vincenzo sighed and nodded. "Upstairs. Come."

I called Ayattil to follow when he had safely contained the damaged cupcake, and together we followed Vincenzo into the back room, and then up a tiny, narrow flight of stairs that took us to the second floor, which consisted solely of a crummy little office lined with hideous yellow walls and a lingering smell of cheap air freshener. An old, exceptionally primitive Human computer sat on a desk against a wall, alongside a boxy television. Both the screens were lit, one of them showing the sight from two separate cameras, one in the bakery, and one in the store. Vincenzo sat down in the swivelling office chair before the computer and began typing away at some simple programme that consisted of nothing more than recordings. Yet, he still struggled.

After about a minute of messing around, unable to find what he was looking for, he turned in the chair and said, "I was never told how to use computer! I never-"

"Oh just get out of the way." I fumed, shooing him from the chair and sitting myself down.

Within seconds, I found what I was looking for. I brought up the camera footage from 10AM to 11AM, the approximate time of the robbery. Zooming forward through the footage, I arrived at the moment when the robbery began.

The image was black and white, a hideous, fuzzy portrayal of the store that looked over the counter to the front entrance. Three Humans, all dressed in black with faces masked, burst into the shop. Two of them split off to the sides, while one muscled forward passed a frightened, regular customer who seemed too befuddled to know what was occurring. One of the other two criminals held the customer to stop her from escaping, while the lead Human raised a gun to a tall male behind the counter. After a few seconds, Vincenzo appeared, immediately raising his hands.

The lead masked Human threw a small sack to Vincenzo, who seemed hesitant in lowering his arms, before he began to fill the sack with a number of goods from beneath the counter in a hurried panic.

Within a minute, the masked Humans were gone. The remainder of the recording was of the two shopkeepers throwing their arms around in frustration, but that was of no interest to me. I fiddled with the computer system for a while, saving the necessary segment of film and sending it to my own computer e-mail, back in the office.

There was one thing, however, that had caught my eye during the recording, and once I had sent it to my office, I reversed the footage back to when the small sack was thrown to Vincenzo.

"That cupcake…" I mused. "This, Vincenzo, is our best chance of finding our culprits."

I paused the tape, in the split second when one of the three criminals reached to the cupcake stand, and with a finger swiped at the smooth icing of one of its inhabitants, bringing the finger to his mouth and sucking away the displaced sugary goodness. The damaged cupcake.

"Too easy."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

((It has been a successful day thus far. After receiving my first call-out, I was able to collect sufficient evidence, which will now be analysed at the Andalite Research Centre, a large collection of laboratories near Downtown Brooklyn. By the time we had finished collecting our samples, however, the Earth sky had already begun its descent into night, so we thought it wise to hire a taxi, instead of walking all the way to our destination. I-))

"You were actually considering walking?!" Larry chimed in from the front of the taxi. "The ARC is miles from here."

I ignored Larry, and continued, main eyes focused on the computer that I held before me. ((I called on Larry to pick us up after we demorphed, and we are currently making our way down Park Avenue, watching as the city night life begins. The city at night is something that I never would have expected, and is certainly not like anything seen on the home world. The entire landscape is dotted with bright lights of all different colours, and as we drive down the busy streets, we are engulfed in a sea of neon and flashes. Strangely, the arrival of night does not appear to deter Human activity, and even seems to increase the pace at which they carry out their activities. It also appears to positively affect their moods, and-))

"That's because they're all either drunks or tourists. Usually both." Larry interrupted again, and he laughed. "You telling me that you haven't experience New York at night, yet?"

((No, I have not. Now, if I could just finish-))

((What's it like, Larry?)) Ayattil asked from beside me.

Larry shrugged and momentarily glanced over his shoulder, before returning his eyes to the road ahead. "I'm not sure you guys would like it, but I tell you, if you haven't done New York at night, you haven't done New York at all."

((I don't know what you mean...)) Ayattil mumbled, scratching his head just below his left eye stalk.

I sighed heavily and barged my way into their conversation. ((Excuse me, but I would like to finish-))

"Look around the place." Larry continued, completely ignoring my intrusion. "New York never stops. Night is when all the young people are out, going to night clubs, casinos, posing for photographs…" He shook his head and pursed his lips. "I chose the wrong job."

((What are night clubs and casinos?)) Ayattil asked.

"A night club is where people go to have fun, get drunk and spend all their money. A casino is where people go to have fun, get drunk and _lose_ all their money." He chuckled lightly to himself. "Oh, and people go to pick up the chicks, too. Plenty of chicks. There's a place near here called Webster Hall, just off 4th Avenue, ain't too shabby."

Ayattil looked hopeful, and turned to me. ((Sir, maybe-))

((No, Ayattil!)) I snapped in frustration. ((You don't even have any money.))

Ayattil slumped briefly, disappointed. Then, he perked up again. ((Sir, could-))

((And you may not borrow any more of my money.)) I huffed. ((Ayattil, we are going to the ARC to drop off our samples for analysis, we are _not _stopping off at some hideously overpriced night club so that you can spend your time ogling semi-naked Human females.))

He slumped again, defeated.

((Now, if I may, I would like to finish my-))

"Well, if you're ever interested, I could pick you up and take you to some place you Andalites might find a little more comfortable. I don't recommend going out at night on your own, and I know all the best places. There's a place down by-"

((For the last time!)) I shouted, making my impatience known. ((May I _please_ finish this journal entry without your pointless jabbering?!))

Larry tapped his hands on the steering wheel in a gesture of surrender. "Go ahead, Nicalor. I just thought maybe you'd want some more recommendations."

I sighed, feeling the smallest stab of guilt. ((And I appreciate that, Larry. I just want to keep this journal… respectable. Dignified.))

((Sir,)) Ayattil moaned from my right. ((I got my head stuck in the window again.))

I turned my stalk eye to see him, neck caught in the electrically-operated window while his head remained outside. I heaved out a breath, and gave up on completing the journal entry, shutting down the portable computer before reaching to Ayattil's side of the taxi and pressing the switch to descend the glass pane. He retreated his head back into the taxi and rubbed at his neck.

There were a few miles between the streets around Central Park and the ARC, and with the amount of traffic lining the roads, it took a while of meaningless chatter and boredom-inspired sight-seeing before we even reached Brooklyn Bridge. Larry was happy to point out any meaningful landmarks (and the occasional Human female) to us, but for the most part I was more intrigued by the city aura as night continued to approach. Buildings were great glowing advertisements that surrounded us wherever we went, partnered by the enormous flashing images of bars or fast food establishments. Hotels, restaurant, even places whose purpose I couldn't decipher. Below, patrolling the city streets in bizarre colours, were the citizens: loud, rowdy and milling around with nothing but pure energy and excitement to fuel them.

And there were other things, too. Dark back alleys, suspicious-looking Humans stood alone on street corners, law enforcement vehicles hidden among the wash of other cars that lined the sidewalks.

The perfect place for crimes. A city so large, so compressed, its law enforcers strained with the primitive Human technology and the busy, unforgiving streets.

Would our people, naturally accustomed to daylight, with no need on the home world for cities of flashing lights and hectic nightlife, be able to wander such places at night? And then, would they use the opportunity afforded by darkness and unknowing Humans to commit whatever injustice that they wished to?

Maybe that was something that I would have to find out for myself. I pushed the thought aside, hating the fact that I would find a way to connect anything and everything to my career instead of looking to the positives. The Humans were having fun, and, unlike during the day, a great number were smiling, grinning and laughing. Would they be so jolly if each one was to be the victim of some inevitable crime?

Crime is rare, especially when it came to crimes involving our people. Perhaps I, too, would enjoy the night time activities that this bizarre planet had to offer.

Once over the Brooklyn Bridge, we were quick to arrive at the ARC. It was a building only recently built, and, sat among the other buildings that were constructed by Human hands and materials, it stood out like a beacon. The structure was more akin to the larger buildings that would be found on the home world, with smoothened white walls that glowed almost mysteriously under the influence of the surrounding street lights and neon. The windows were plentiful and mostly upward-facing, curved where the building itself would curve, altogether void of sharp angles that plagued the mostly-awful Human structures. It looked strangely similar to a big dollop of whipped cream. Larry guided the taxi around to the car park at the back of the building.

"Fancy place, ain't it." He muttered as he opened the back door of the taxi, allowing us to step out onto the cool black ground.

((This is how many of the buildings are designed back on our own planet.)) I replied as I stretched my legs. ((We have very capable architects.))

Larry rolled his eyes and put his hairy hands in his pockets." You, uh, gonna need me to take you home after you're done doing whatever it is you have to do?"

((Yes. As you say, it is not wise for us to make our way home during the night.)) After a little pause for his response, I added, ((We would be in no danger, of course, but I fear Ayattil will spend the entire walk harassing Human females, being the perverted little cretin that he is.))

Ayattil trudged back into the conversation, having lost himself amidst the glowing neon of a strip club across the road. ((What, sir?))

((Nothing, Ayattil.))

"Okay then," Larry nodded, "Well, I'll just grab a coffee while I wait then. Is there a café in that fancy buildin' of yours?"

((I don't know,)) I responded. ((But either way, you will not be permitted inside.))

He raised his dark eyebrows. "How come?"

I stood straight, formally. ((Our government is averse to handing our technology to other species, even letting them see it. They will not risk Human visitors stealing any form of our technology, no matter how small or insignificant. Not since _Seerow's Kindness_.))

"_Seerow's Kindness_…" He considered. "Yeah, I heard about that somewhere. You guys gave the Yeerks some of your stuff."

((Not us, collectively.)) I retorted defensively. ((Some fool who didn't know any better.))

"Yeah, but look how the war ended. You gave us Humans your technology. We saved your asses."

I huffed. ((Our asses did not require saving. However, it is true that you Humans did us a good favour. Funny, isn't it, how giving other species our technology both started and ended such a disaster.))

Larry grinned. "Yeah, we're a trustworthy species."

((Indeed.)) I replied unsurely. ((Nevertheless, they will not allow you entry into the facility. Only Andalites and governmental figures are permitted.))

"That's okay," Larry surrendered. "There's a coffee place just around the corner. Give me a call when you're done."

((I will. And thank you, Larry.)) I said with a bow. Larry nodded curtly and returned to his taxi, igniting the engine and rolling the vehicle around the corner of the building and out of the parking facilities.

Ayattil and I gazed up at the medium-sized but impressive building. The entrance was at the front, so we found a pathway that led away from the car park, and cantered around to the sidewalk of the busy street. Right into the path of a group of Humans.

They were dressed in a most peculiar fashion. Each one of them wore long purple cloaks, decorated with sparkly, reflective shapes, like crescent moons and the Human impression of stars. On their head were similarly designed hats, but pointed tall and distinct, and attached at the sides, drooping down over their jaws and over their lips, were enormous white bushes of facial hair. I cursed my luck at having encountered them just feet from the building entrance.

One of the lead Humans noticed us as we tried to sneak past, and he pointed a small black cylindrical object at us and laughed with what I assumed to be disbelief.

"Hey, look! Andalites!"

The announcement took immediate effect, and the group engulfed us in a whirlwind of curiosity.

((Please,)) I grumbled, ((We are in a hurry. Let us through.))

Of course, the Humans, seemingly inebriated, took no notice, and one chirped up to say. "Hey, hey, guys, let's bring 'em with us!"

Suddenly, the whole group roared, which was rather unnerving with them all wearing equal clothing, like some gruesome cult following.

"What's your name, man?" Another Human directed at me.

((Nicalor-Garroon-Charod. I am here on Criminal Investigation duties.)) I informed them, doing my best to sound calm.

"Wow, you're in fancy dress, too?" Another Human spoke, and I assumed that it was female, due to the voice and despite the masculine facial hair. "We're wizards!"

"Yeah, man," The first male spoke up. "Come be wizards with us."

"We've got a spare beard!"

I continued to try to squeeze my way past the excitable Humans, but I found it increasingly difficult. ((We have no time to join you!)) I excused.

((We don't, sir?)) Ayattil spoke up. I glared at him angrily.

"Yeah, come on, it's too late to work, man!"

((No!)) I boomed, finally reaching the limit of my patience, but restraining the urge to raise my tail. ((We are on important duties, and we will not join you in whatever pointless festivities you have in mind.))

I grabbed Ayattil's arm and dragged him, pushing my way through the noisy, disappointed Humans and thankfully finding myself free on their circle. They groaned behind us, but much to my relief, they did not pursue. With an irritated grumble, I pushed through the large double-doors of the complex, and strolled into a brightly lit reception area. I released Ayattil from my grasp, just in time to look upon him with a stalk eye. I ripped the hat and beard from his head that he had somehow acquired.

I slapped him around the back of the head. ((You idiot, Ayattil! You almost led them into thinking that we would join them!))

((Sorry, sir.)) He droned.

((I trust that you kept the evidence unharmed.))

Ayattil lifted up the backpack that he had brought along from the taxi. The Humans hadn't damaged it, and I breathed another sigh of relief.

((Good. Though next time, _I _will carry the important items.)) I ordered, taking the bag and hoisting it over my shoulder.

Looking around the room that we had entered, I was immediately hit by the way it so closely resembled the buildings of our home planet, and it gave it a great sense of warmth. The walls were bright but not intrusive, and were lined by plants. Not the dull, green plants of Earth, but the beautiful and variant flora of our own planet, arranged in one long fertilised trough that was tucked beneath each wall. The flooring was also fitted with the flora of the home world, a type of grass not too dissimilar to that found here on Earth. Above us, where a Human ceiling would usually restrict the light, was one large, thick glass panel that allowed the night sky to shine down upon us. Unfortunately, as I had found very early on in our trip to Earth, the compressed and active city caused a great amount of light pollution, cancelling out the marvellous sight of stars and instead replacing it with a horrible red/brown glow. Nevertheless, it was preferable to any ceiling.

My stalk eyes noticed another Andalite approaching from behind a desk at the far side of the room. I turned to him and bowed. ((Good evening.))

The stranger, who I assumed to be a staff member, bowed back. ((Good evening to you, too. What is your business here?))

((My name is Nicalor-Garroon-Charod, CI, based in the police department on East 67th Street. I am here to drop off some samples for analysis.)) I informed him.

((Do you have identification?)) He asked, looking between me and Ayattil.

((Yes, we do.))

The staff member turned and casually flicked his tail. ((Please, come with me.))

He led us past a large round table in the centre of the room and towards the desk that lay between two doorways. On the way, I fed on the grass that had been planted on the floor, and to my pleasure, it wasn't too bad. It was fresh, slightly damp, clean. So much better than the inedible rubbish that clogged my hotel room.

We were taken behind a large counter, on which sat a hidden Andalite computer system, shielded on both sides by yet more floral decorations from home. A hologram shot from the computer, a simple logo for the ARC that gently twirled in place. The receptionist spoke to it, and the hologram morphed and mutated into some sort of database, with names and dates and small images contained in a glowing 3D box.

((Computer, prepare for identity confirmation.)) He instructed to it. It hummed gently, and the hologram went blank.

This was all part of the security process. I would hand over my identification, and it would be scanned, integrated into the system, and some other person in some dingy office would see my application for entry, and allow me to enter if I met certain requirements.

Our identity badges were scanned, and after a few seconds, our data, in various formats, appeared within the blank 3D hologram.

The receptionist smiled. ((Your identification has been accepted. Welcome to the ARC, Nicalor, Ayattil.))

((Thank you.)) I said, taking back our identity badges. ((Where will we find the facilities that we require?))

He pointed to the door on the left of the main desk. ((Through that door, up the transporter on the left, and at the back end of the building. You can't miss it.))

It didn't take long for us to reach our destination, and the sample analysis laboratory was indeed hard to miss. Once there, I carefully extracted the sample cases from the backpack we had taken, and called over one of the scientists to help us move it all.

((Crime scene samples, huh?)) The elderly male scientist mused. ((It is not often that we get these.))

I chuckled. ((I have been told that it is a rare occurrence, but this is my first day. You could call it luck.))

((Sir?)) Ayattil pressed at my side, having remained pleasantly quiet thus far.

((Yes, Ayattil?))

((How does the sampling work, sir?))

((Good question.)) I noted. I turned my main eyes to the scientist, who was already beginning his long-winded explanation. He had taken a pair of rubber gloves from a compartment beneath the workbench we were stood at, and pulled them tightly over his hands.

((Firstly,)) He began. ((We have to take the sample and make sure that it has not been tampered with since the crime took place. I assume that the evidence you have brought has indeed been kept undamaged since you found it.))

I nodded. ((Absolutely. We took upmost care in bringing it here.))

((Excellent.)) The scientist chimed, before reaching into a container and pulling out the damaged cupcake carefully in his gloves, the single most important piece of evidence we had collected. ((Ah, a cupcake! Looks positively ravishing, doesn't it? I must admit, the Humans did some things right.)) He chuckled haughtily.

With the cupcake in careful, delicate hands, he led us to another workstation that was sat up against a wall, imprisoned by scientific machinery that buzzed and whirred and snapped. As we circled around to observe, he gently placed the chocolate cupcake inside a small cubic opening in the front of protruding machine, alive with flashing light bulbs and switches.

((This, my friends, is a wonderfully clever machine. With just this single damaged delicacy, we can, within hours, find the culprit behind this most hideous of crimes. All we have to do is put the sample in the machine, as I have done, press this button here,)) He slammed his hand on a large white, illuminated panel a few inches above the opening that the cupcake sat in. ((And we wait.))

((Is it really that simple, professor, sir?)) Ayattil questioned.

The scientist laughed, eyes wrinkling under the influence of his age. ((For us, yes, young assistant. This machine has been built for the very purpose of sample analysis on Earth. Though it is relatively new technology, it has worked wonders so far.))

I folded my arms over my chest. ((The Andalites who committed this crime were in morph. Am I to assume that the machine only tracks down the original Human, whose form was acquired?))

((You assume correctly, yes. Is that an issue?))

((No. We have our own ways of tracking down the culprits, with just the original Humans to go with. It's pretty straight forward.)) I assured.

My stalk eye had been watching Ayattil, who seemed perplexed, his eyes narrowing and a hand rubbing at his temple. ((Sir?))

I groaned. ((What is it now, Ayattil?))

((How do we know that they were Andalites, sir, and not just Humans?))

((Because, Ayattil, they robbed a bakery and stole a batch of fairy cakes. They didn't even take the money from the bakery till.))

((Oh.))

I shook my head and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. ((Honestly, Ayattil, you are slower than a dead slug. A Hork-Bajir could have figured that out.))

Ayattil still seemed puzzled, and this time his posed his question to the scientist. ((Professor, sir, how does the machine work?))

He chuckled and rested a hand on a protruding bit of the machine, just in time for the container where the cupcake was sat to close and produce a low, rumbling noise. ((It's all very simple. In short, the machine scans the entire sample, both external features and internal, examines the structure and compares it to a database of previous samples and data already pre-determined. From that, it deduces the sample materials and allocates it a particular label. That label lists all variables to be found within that sample, and once initial scans are complete, it takes note of any material that does not naturally belong to that label. The machine absorbs the unnatural materials and analyses them. Usually it will find dust particles, dirt, grease, salt, and dead skin or fine hairs. That can all be incredibly useful. Sometimes it can pick up fingerprint traces, but the way that your cupcake was smudged, I doubt it will. Nonetheless, it will pick up any stray pieces of dirt, compare it to samples that have been collected from various parts of the city and its outskirts, and that are pre-programmed into its software, and give us a list of places where the culprit has been, and what time he was there. We should also find dead skin, DNA, but without anything to compare that to, it's next to useless. Dirt particles are our best chance of finding the miscreant.))

((I see.)) I said, hand rubbing my chin. ((And so we find where he has been moving, take CCTV from the area if there is any, and use it to identify the Human morph. We can then find the original Human from whom the form was taken, and question him on his contact with Andalites.))

((Precisely!)) The scientist beamed.

((It all makes sense now, sir!)) Ayattil stated.

((Indeed it does, Ayattil.)) I replied. ((And it's not at all simply for plot convenience.))

((Not at all, sir.))

I clasped my hands, satisfied. ((Well, thank you very much, um…))

((Muthil.))

((Muthil. I assume that the analyses will be complete be tomorrow?)) I asked.

He nodded. ((Yes. I suggest that you come to collect your data in the afternoon. I should have analysed each sample by then.))

I bowed sincerely. ((Then I shall be back tomorrow.))

We left the laboratory in high spirits. Today had been, for a first day, quite successful, and now I was eager to retire to my hotel, watch a few Human car advertisements on the television, and drift off into some well-earned sleep. I could wake early the next day, attend to my office, and revisit the laboratory to collect the results. It was as if I hadn't left the home world at all. The only difference was having noisy Humans getting in the way on occasion.

We took the transporter back to the ground floor, and it was so much better than those found in the hotel. The interior was cosy, the ride was smooth, and the walls were transparent so that they didn't cause a great amount of claustrophobia. At this time of day, they were empty, as well. The whole building, in fact, was quiet. However, there was still a number of people around, one of whom I certainly knew very well.

The transporter door opened, and stood behind them, waiting to use it next, was Ardina.

By this point, a few weeks into our respective Earth missions, we had become close enough that I had no need to try to impress her further with proud stances or awkward, clichéd lines. That didn't stop my back leg from quivering at her presence, however, and nor did it restrain what blurted from my mind.

((Ardina! How pleasant to… You look very… Hello!))

She rolled her eyes and put her arms over her perfectly groomed chest. ((Must you shiver and stutter every time you see me?)) She asked.

I regained my composure, and kicked my quivering hind leg on the soft flooring. ((I just didn't expect to see you.))

Ardina unfolded her arms and squeezed between me and Ayattil, and we dispersed to make room.

((I thought you finished much earlier.)) I pointed out.

((Usually, yes.)) She replied, and I felt her tail rub secretly against my own, just beyond the sight of Ayattil's stalk eyes. ((But there has been a lot to do today. Anyway, I should be the one asking why _you_ are here.))

((We came to drop off some samples for analyses. We will return tomorrow to collect the results.))

Ardina nodded, and though we had initially planned to leave the transporter on this floor, Ardina ordered the machine to close the doors and take us up to her own floor.

((I have something that I want to show you.)) She spoke with unhidden enthusiasm.

I backed up slightly and narrowed my eyes. ((Not with Ayattil here, Ardina, please.))

She paused. ((I don't mean _that_.))

((Ah.)) I gasped, realising my rather awkward miscalculation. ((Good.))

((I want to show you what I and my team have been working on. You remember what I told you a while ago, about research into Human taste?))

((And how you want to make it possible for us Andalites to be able to taste, as well?))

((Yes.)) She smiled. ((It's so near to completion, and I want you to see it.))

Ardina led us away from the transporter when we had reached the fifth floor, and towards one of the larger laboratories in the building. It was busier up here, and Ardina's team of fellow researchers and scientists mulled around, taking notes on test tubes, prodding buttons on machines, weighing vials of chemicals and generally doing science-y things. I felt awfully intrusive, but Ardina assured me and Ayattil that our presence was not unwarranted.

A large white machine was sat on a workstation in the centre of the huge, white room, and a couple more scientists were stood around it, admiring and investigating its mechanic form. Ardina guided us to its side, just as the scientists left, perhaps having found something else to do, perhaps annoyed at our arrival.

It was quite large, perhaps four feet in height and equally as wide, and it was boxy in shape, with the edges and corners curved smoothly. The top dipped into a black metallic inverted cone, that entered a large hole providing access into the machines innards, and around the rim were three large grips, where another instrument would be attached. There were buttons and switches that lined the front, coated in numbers and symbols, all encircling a considerably larger blue dial in the centre. Below all that was a second hole with attachment locations for another foreign instrument. To me, it looked like one great filter.

((This is it?)) I asked, a little more disbelieving in tone than I may have wanted.

((Yes!)) Ardina gleamed. ((The team here has been working on this for months. We call it the Feed for Andalite Processor.))

I raised an eyebrow and inspected it curiously, without touching its surface for fear of chastisement. ((So what exactly does it do?))

((It processes food, of course.)) Ardina laughed. ((It is similar to a Human blender, but it is much more thorough, and it also has the ability to filter out harmful pathogens, viruses, and input vitamins and beneficial bacteria.))

((That sounds wonderful,)) I said. ((But I thought the aim was to grant us taste like a Human.))

Ardina's smile brightened further. ((I was just getting to that. You see, the machine also contains a mixture, whose recipe was born from our very own research on the Human tongue and its functions. The mixture from the machine is absorbed into the forehooves, and there it binds to specific receptors in the absorption channels that run up the leg. When they're there, they perform much the same functions as the taste buds on the Human tongues, and send messages of taste directly to the brain.))

((Sir?)) Ayattil spoke at my left. ((I don't understand anything that these ARC people say.))

((That is because you are not very intelligent, Ayattil.))

I could not hide from Ardina that I, myself, had no idea how it all worked, despite that she had obviously given it to us in laymen's terms. All I knew was that, judging from her facial expression, the research team had achieved their goal.

((So we can taste now? Like Humans?)) I asked incredulously.

Ardina nodded, still smiling like an inebriated Human, drunk on her team's success. ((Isn't it just wonderful?))

((Does it work?)) I asked. ((I mean, have you tried it?))

Ardina's smile dropped, but only slightly. ((No.)) She responded, shaking her head. ((The actual testing will be done over this next Earth week. After that, there will be a few more tests to perform, and the machine will be sent back to the home planet for further observation.))

I couldn't help but smile, myself. I hated having to morph to my unbalanced, confrontational Human form, and the only reason I ever did it recreationally was at the prospect of food. If I could taste the marvellous Human delicacies without the need to morph, the next two years would be immeasurably more satisfactory.

Testing for that would begin this week. Meanwhile, I had my own job to do, and I would be returning to the laboratories the next day to collect my sample results.

I was most definitely looking forward to it.

I was also looking forward to that night, after what Ardina said privately to me just before we left.

Some of us just have good days, I guess.


End file.
